


I Think We'd Make A Lovely Mess (Reed900)

by CrimsonFandomTrash



Series: Detroit: Become Human Stuff - HankCon & Reed900 Hell [21]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Cat Owner Gavin Reed, Cheesy, Christmas, Connor & Upgraded Connor | RK900 are Siblings, Deviant Upgraded Connor | RK900, Elijah Kamski & Gavin Reed are Siblings, First Kiss, Fluff, Gavin Reed Being Less of an Asshole, Gavin Reed-centric, Gay Disaster Gavin Reed, Gay Panic, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Insomnia, Love Confessions, M/M, Melodrama, Minor Hank Anderson/Connor, Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), Self-Hatred, Slow To Update, Trans Male Character, Upgraded Connor | RK900 Has a Different Name, how many ways can i make gavin reed suffer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-08-21 14:44:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16578512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrimsonFandomTrash/pseuds/CrimsonFandomTrash
Summary: Slightly inspired by the song 'A Lovely Mess' by 'Front Porch Step'Some new conflicting emotions have been literally keeping Gavin awake for the past few weeks. He hasn't known a good night's rest in what feels like forever.Whilst trying to track down the source of his restlessness, he has a couple of realizations that might change his life forever. He has only one word to use towards this situation: FUCK.Gavin loses sleep, gay panics, and Bryan is trying his best.





	1. FUCK.

**Author's Note:**

> So, this WAS supposed to be a one-shot, but when you have no wifi, almost no friends, and a shit ton of free time, you end up writing a shit ton. It's already ten thousand words long as I write this note, and I plan to write more, still.  
> As mentioned above, I don't have wifi. I'm uploading this at the library (oh my god, their wifi is so high speed, and it's so quiet here, I love it). As such, updates might be slow. As much as I would love to, I can't spend all my free time at the library, it's too far from my house for the walk to be worth it every single day. I think this might end up being three or four parts long, but I'm gonna put five planned chapters, just in case I end up writing more than originally planned (since that happens a bit too often). Worst comes to worst, if it only ends up being four instead of five, I can just write a cute little epilogue or something.
> 
> Something to note, my RK900 is named Bryan (yes, after Bryan Dechart, sue me). Bryan isn't a very common name for him; I've seen Richard, and Conan and a few other pretty fan popular names to refer to him, but my RK900 is named Bryan. He's referred to as both that and Nines in this blurb of a thing. His 'backstory' can be found in my 'Detroit: Become Human Stuff -HankCon & Reed900 Hell' series, in case you're wondering.
> 
> I switch points of view sometimes, sometimes (most of the time) you'll be in Gavin's head, and others, you'll be in Nines'. 
> 
> Trigger warnings: lots of mention of child neglect/abuse, transphobia, and maybe a few other squicky things. If any of those kinds of things upset you, you shouldn't keep reading. 
> 
> With all that out of the way, I hope you enjoy. Please leave a kudos and a comment if you do! Every kudo and comment I get cures my depression.

  Gavin had never been good with emotions.

  It's a phenomenon he shared with his partner, but the reasons why he'd never been able to master feelings correctly were very different from Nines' situation.

  Nines was new to emotions, having only been experiencing them for the past eight or so months. He woke up one day, in someone's basement, fully sentient, capable of feeling, when that had never been something he was supposed to be able to do. Anger, joy, sadness, they were all foreign concepts to him. He was walking around blindly in the dark, trying to figure out basically all on his own what it meant to be human- or, at least, what it meant to be alive.

  Gavin had been on this earth for the past thirty-seven years. Most people, when they were his age- hell, even a lot of people younger than him, could keep a grip on their emotions. Of course, they could. Humans were able to ease into the idea of being alive, and feeling things. For some, though, it never got easier, and that had always been the case for Gavin.

  Emotions, and how to deal with them, were most commonly learned during the formative years of a person's life; childhood. Gavin hadn't had a very good childhood. He was never beaten (up until he was sixteen, but he didn't count that as his 'childhood'), or starved, or homeless. He had a nice, warm bed to sleep in every night, clean clothes to wear, and being an only child at first, he'd gotten just about everything he'd ever wanted. Everything, save for his mother's attention. She was either too busy at work, or too tired from working to ever give him the time of day, and so Gavin spent most of his time raising himself, up until his mother remarried, and he'd gained a step-brother. Having no one to interact with all like that during those early years of his life had made Gavin bad with people, and the feelings others would evoke. His first instinct toward perceived criticism had always been to lash out. If it hurt, he turned the pain into anger. If it only made him angry, he acted out more than what was probably necessary to get his point across. It was the reason he had almost as many disciplinary warnings as Anderson.

  The day he came out of the closet, up until the day she'd drawn her last breath, his mother had done nothing but torment him with her bigotry. Every time he came out of his room, he was greeted with nothing but hateful slurs; everything from the common 'faggot' remark, to 'queer', to 'tranny'. If it was a slur used against homosexual or transgender individuals, it flew from her mouth with no abandon.

  When he turned eighteen and moved out, he didn't have to hear it as much. He still had to hear it, though, since it had been his bright fucking idea to visit her and the rest of his family on holidays. Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, they were all hell as he tried to bond with people who hated him for something he couldn't change. They wanted nothing to do with him, and he wanted nothing to do with them, either, but blood was supposed to be thicker than water, and it wasn't like he'd had anyone else to spend those days with.

  Oh, and then there was the fact that he turned his own self-hate into a burning loathing for others. His darling step-brother, who had been more family to him than his biological family ever had? Tossed to the curb. The rest of his family? Forgotten, like a bad memory. The countless women with whom he'd had sexual affairs with in order to fill the void in his heart after he'd gotten rid of those other people? Never happened, he was a virgin. He'd been thrown into this world as alone as anyone could be, and then had made measures to make sure he died that way. No one should ever get close to Gavin Reed, because he was convinced everything he touched turned to dust.

  So, Gavin didn't have much experience with emotions, or having other people in his life, which is why life was so… interesting right now.

  Since Bryan, the RK900 ('Nines', a nickname Gavin himself had given the droid) had moved into his apartment, Gavin had been feeling things he didn’t know the name of. He often lay awake at night, wondering if navigating emotions was just as confusing for Nines.

  That had never seemed to be the case. Bryan always had such good control over his emotions. Anything he was unfamiliar with, he treated not with hostility, as Gavin would, but a deep confusion, a yearning to understand. It had been hard to wrap his head around the fact that Bryan even had feelings, what with how robot-y he always acted, but Gavin had been around the guy long enough to catch a few glimpses of genuine human emotion.

  The tale of the first time Nines had cried (at least, in front of Gavin) came to mind the most when thinking about times in which he'd witnessed Bryan actually experience emotions. It was a Saturday night, back in June. They almost always had weekends off, and they usually used that time to do one of three things; one, play a video game. Two, Nines would paint Gavin's nails while the detective bitched about life. On this occasion, it was option three; watching a movie.  _ "Don't fuckin' watch the entire thing in three seconds in your head, or look up the plot." _ Gavin had said.  _ "Just consume media like a normal fucking person, and watch it with me." _

  Surprisingly, Bryan had complied. It was a movie he'd never seen before, either, even though he probably should have.  _ 'Marley and Me' _ had come out at some point early during his life, but he'd never gotten the chance to actually see it for himself. He'd heard great things about it, and every time he heard about it, everyone always said  _ 'the ending made me cry' _ . He didn't see what ending of a doggy movie would make people cry. Didn't those things always end happily ever after, like Disney?

  About an hour and twenty-some minutes later, as tears started to totally _not_ gloss over his eyes, he heard a choked sound next to him.

  At first, he'd thought he'd been hearing things. He _totally wasn't crying at all, whatsoever, nuh uh_ , so there was no way he could be hearing the sound of crying. Then he remembered he wasn't the only one in his apartment, that he wasn't as alone as he'd always been, and had turned his head to see tears streaking down Nines' face. The android sat there, hands clasped over his mouth to try to stop any sound from coming out of his vocal box (whole fat lotta good _that_ did him). His shoulders shook, and he looked like he was struggling to breathe, even without the need for oxygen. His LED, still intact at that point, had rapidly blinked red.

  Long story short, they kind of ended up sobbing on each other's shoulder. It was a story that made Gavin very uncomfortable and conflicted. If anyone would have told Gavin a year ago he'd be crying in the (strong) arms of an android, he would have arrested that person for slander. It had fucking happened, though. For at least a good thirty minutes, well after the movie had even ended, he'd cried on an android's shoulder, and the android had cried on his. They woke up the next morning and had acted like it never even happened, even as the case to the movie's disc lay on the coffee table in plain sight. An unspoken agreement lingered to never mention the incident again.

  They hadn't mentioned it, but it still flickered across Gavin's eyes as he tried to sleep. Emphasis on  _ tried _ . The past few weeks, without much reason as to why insomnia had shifted into full gear. Lately, he'd been running on nothing but caffeine, nerves, fumes, and adrenaline, unbeknownst to him as to why life had dealt him this hand. He hadn't had a good night's sleep in what felt like forever.

  He tried chalking it up to stress, as that was what was usually the problem when he went this long without proper sleep, but that answer didn't do any justice. After entertaining the idea, he'd gone about his days, looking for some sort of sign that he was stressed out, some kind of clue as to why, but no evidence ever came. He wasn't stressed, he felt perfectly fine, better than he had the last decade, at least. Life still wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, but he wasn't doing all that badly. His life was pretty average right now, in fact.

  With that realization, he had no idea what could be causing this onslaught of insomnia.

  He'd been sat at his desk at the precinct, pretending to work, as usual. A game of Bejeweled he wasn't really paying attention to was on his monitor, stagnant, waiting for his next move. Across the room sat Connor and Hank, about to go out on a case, Fowler was yelling at someone in his office. Not much ever changed around their precinct. It was dysfunctional, at best, and catastrophically inept at worse. 

  He sat there, bored out of his mind as the thought of  _ ' _ _ so why is my life so normal right now and not really fucked up _ _ ' _ crossed his mind. He mulled it over a few times, taking most of his thinking process to go to town on it. Well, there  _ was _ a rumor of him being promoted to a Lieutenant soon. He might even beat Hank's record of being the youngest Lieutenant in Detroit history, at this rate, which had always been the goal. He had a new kitten, a calico named Lucky he'd nursed back to health. Christmas would be in a few weeks.

  As he sat there, considering this, something caught his attention; a coffee cup being placed on his desk. He looked up from the floor to the source of the noise, spotted the cup before his eyes flickered up to meet familiar icy greys. Bryan smiled at him. "You didn't get to consume any caffeine before we left the house, and you haven't been sleeping very well."

  "How the fuck do _you_ know how well I've been sleeping?" Gavin muttered into the cup as he took a sip. He was a little surprised to find that it tasted like every other cup of bean water he'd ever made for himself. Nines had remembered how he liked his coffee. Huh.

  "As you've no doubt already come to realize, there's not much that can get past me, Detective." Nines replied, as cool as ever. "The dark circles under your eyes have become more prominent, and I've heard you shifting in bed more than you usually do. You also seem a bit snappier than you already normally are."

  "God, help us." Hank quipped from across the room. Gavin shot him a glare, and Anderson responded by holding up a middle finger, accompanied by a shit-eating grin. He and Connor started walking towards the entrance whilst Connor scolded the older man for his attitude towards others. The thought of having some sort of comeback came to mind, but Gavin decided he was too tired to deal with it. 

  "Do you know what the cause of your insomnia has been?" Came Bryan's voice a moment later. Gavin shrugged.

  "Naw." He yawned. "Probably just my body hating me. I ain't new to this kind of shit."

  He really wasn't. Gavin had struggled to fall asleep at night near all his life now, from the time he was about in his preteens, until now. It probably wouldn't go anywhere, either. Insomnia and depression were common in his family tree, so he wouldn't be surprised if it were genetic, and if so, there'd barely be anything he could do about it. He'd just…  _ dealt _ , his entire life, really.

  Bryan didn't seem satisfied with that answer, however. His brows knit together, and he frowned. Gavin could never tell if the guy was frustrated or confused when he wore that face. "Well," Bryan started, taking his seat across from Gavin. "In any case, I hope you get a good's night sleep sometime soon. I also hope you enjoy the coffee."

  "Yeah, thanks," Gavin mumbled. He went back to thinking.

  As he lay awake in bed that night, more thoughts filtered in, leaving him unable to sleep. It seemed Nines' hope of him being able to get some rest had been dashed. Thanks, God, you cruel motherfucker.

  What had changed in his life? What were these feelings he was experiencing recently, and why? Why didn't he entirely hate it, either? Whenever Gavin had been confronted with a new feeling, whether positive, negative, or neither, he'd always treated it the same way; with complete and utter loathing. This, though, this was something he couldn't put a name or a description to. He couldn't tell if it was good or bad, and by those standards, he should have been even angrier than usual. Nines had commented about him being unusually snappy, even for him, but when he looked back, it didn't even compare to his behavior a year ago.

  Worst of all, he couldn't tell when the emotion was strongest, or what was triggering it. He wasn't angry, definitely not. Where anger should have been in the wake of this issue that was literally causing him to lose sleep, he instead felt something else. It twisted its way around his gut like barbed wire, stabbed into his heart like a knife, made him never wanna close his eyes and try to sleep ever again. Where anger should have been, fear was residing, instead. And now that he was aware of it, it dropped on him like a ton of bricks.

_____________________________

  Gavin didn't get much sleep that night.

  Thankfully, there was no work the next day. He'd fallen asleep sometime after five in the morning and had woken up to his alarm that he'd forgotten to shut off at seven thirty-five. He was about to get ready for work before he picked up his phone and read that today was Saturday.

  His eyes burned from the lack of sleep as he yawned and stumbled his way into the bathroom with a change of clothes. Maybe a shower would wake him up. Maybe telling himself a shower could wake him up would then, in turn, actually make the shower wake him up; placebo effect. You can't fool the body, but you can definitely fool the mind.

  Fooling the mind hadn't worked for him, either. He'd stepped out the shower, feeling a little dizzy on his feet, and even more tired after having warm water cascade over him the past twenty minutes. He dried off, got dressed, and decided there was only one thing he could use to cope with the fatigue; caffeine.

  Hair still dripping wet, he made his way into the kitchen and saw there was already coffee made. On the coffee pot was a pastel blue sticky note.

_ Gavin, _

_   I made coffee for you in advance, knowing you'd probably still be tired when you decided to join the land of the living. You're welcome. _

_   - Bry _

  A small smile found its way onto his face as he looked into the living room.  _ Yeah, right, when  _ _ I  _ _ decide to join the land of the living. Says the fucker fast asleep on the couch _ . He pulled the sticky note free, and absently stuffed it in his pocket as he grabbed a mug and made himself a cup of joe.

  After wandering into the living room, Nines sat up straight pretty suddenly, which a few months ago, would have creeped Gavin out. Nowadays, though, Bryan's android quirks barely made him blink. "Morning, Sleeping Beauty."

  "Good morning, Gavin." Nines greeted, stretching out despite not needing to. "Did you sleep well?"

  "Nope," Gavin replied with a smile, almost as though he were proud of the fact. "Thanks for the coffee."

  "It was no problem." The android assured with a smile of his own. "I enjoy doing things that make your life a little easier."

  "Think you can find a sleep remedy?" Gavin asked, half joking. "Cuz I'm fuckin' desperate for some rest."

  Nines looked far away for a moment, a glossed, vacant look in his eye that let Gavin know the android was looking something up on the internet. "Have you tried masturbation?"

  Gavin almost all but spit his coffee out at that question. He made an ungodly choking sound as he tried to process it. "What the  _ fuck _ , Nines?"

  Bryan narrowed his eyes at him a little. "Masturbation is entirely healthy, and can promote better sleeping habits."

  "Yeah, but… fuck, you don't ask someone that kind of shit, alright?" Gavin ran a hand through his still dripping hair. "Fuck."

  "You didn't answer my question," Nines said a moment later.

  Gavin was pretty sure he was ruing the day he let Bryan move in. "No, I haven't tried masturbating." He deadpanned. He hoped that would have been a satisfactory answer. Bryan decided to drag the conversation out longer.

  "Well, you could try it."

  "Fuck no," Gavin said. "Not with you right out here, with your super-android hearing that can hear me rollin' around in my bed at night."

  "I believe a 'sock on the door' policy would be at hand." Nines hummed in thought. "A visual warning that I should turn down my hearing sensitivity."

  Gavin scoffed. "That's just embarrassing."

  Bryan put his hands up in surrender. "Do what you want, I'm only trying to provide a solution."

_________________________________________

  Nothing. Was fucking. Working.

  Even after only getting about two hours of rest the night before, and actually going out and doing shit today, even with as tired as he was, he still couldn't sleep.

  It had been Bryan's idea for them to go out and do something. "We usually spend weekends inside, but if we go out and do something, maybe you might be able to sleep tonight."

  It sounded like a good idea, and it still probably maybe was a good idea, despite it having not worked that way. How better to get to sleep than to tire out an already exhausted body?

  Since it was December, there were a lot of 'winter wonderland' bullshits open. Some sort of stupid ice sculpture festival or some shit, a couple 'breakfast with Santa's, the usual December rush of events.

  Those kinds of events didn't really strike Gavin or Nines as interesting. The ice festival whatever-the-fuck was boring, Gavin was too old to believe in Santa, and Nines was too smart. Instead, they'd gone ice-skating.

  Surprisingly enough, it was Gavin's idea. They'd been walking around the city, Gavin clad in two jackets, a hat, and gloves, while Nines only wore a black pullover. Even looking at the android in so little in the below thirty weather was enough to make him feel cold, bundled up or not. He tried not to focus it.

  As they were walking, Gavin stopped in front of the building, looking as though he'd seen a ghost. In a way, he kind of did. "Gavin?"

  He turned his head to look where Nines had stopped a few feet in front of him. "Ah, sorry." He said. "I used to come here all the time as a kid."

  He could still remember it. He'd asked his mother to pay the ten dollars for an after school program where he would be able to go to the skating rink for about three hours after school every day. She had ignored him entirely, so he'd ended up borrowing the ten dollars from other family members, and forging his mother's signature on the permission slip. She always got home from work at nine, so she wouldn't even notice he was ever gone. "Do you enjoy ice skating?"

  "Yeah, you could say that." Enjoy? More like fucking adore. Whenever he'd gotten on the rink, he felt like all the issues outside of that building could wait. Skating had been his only source of downtime. The hobby, unfortunately, didn't carry on. After he graduated middle school, he'd basically never skated again. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd been on an ice rink. "Do you know how?"

  "No," Bryan replied. "I could always download the necessary procedure-"

  "Or." Gavin interrupted. He folded his hands together and made finger guns at Bryan. "You could let me teach you."

  Bryan looked confused. "Wouldn't it be easier for me to-"

  "Easier, yeah, but where's the fun in that?" Gavin grinned. "I wanna see you fall on your ass a couple times."

  "Maturity continues to drip off of you, Gavin."

  "Shut up," Gavin said, not really meaning it. "You wanna learn, or nah?"

  Bryan looked thoughtful for a moment, and Gavin reckoned that, if his LED were still there, it'd be spinning on yellow. "I suppose there's no harm in trying."

  They'd gotten into the building, paid at the front desk for some rental skates, and soon they were lacing them up. Gavin hung one of his jackets up, knowing he wouldn't need both of them since he'd be moving around; blood circulation, body heat, and all that. Nines was struggling to lace his skates up. "I am not allowed to look up how to ice skate, but can I at least look up how to tie these properly? They're too loose."

  Gavin rolled his eyes and kneeled in front of Bryan. "Here, lemme show ya." So, then he laced up one of Nines' skates, made sure it was tight. He was kind of glad he didn't have to worry about cutting off the circulation in Nines' feet. Dude didn't have actual blood. "Alright, now you try the other one."

  And then Nines had tied the other one by himself and seemed pretty happy when he got it right. The smile he gave Gavin at having done it correctly had been looping over and over in his head since it'd happened.

  They got onto the rink, and even Gavin was a little wobbly on his feet, having not skated for the past twenty-ish years. Bryan, though… well, Bryan fell on his ass barely five seconds after they'd stepped onto the ice. Gavin had laughed at his misfortune, letting go of the grip he had on the wall, and then ass-planted onto the ice himself. It had been a struggle to get back to their feet, wobbling while gripping each other's hand and the guide-rail, both of them almost falling back down several times. After that, though, Gavin had soon gotten back into a rhythm, while Nines showed steady signs of improvement.

  At a certain point, Gavin had started skating backward while watching Nines progress, looking down at his feet like they'd personally cursed him to suck at this. "Come on, Bry, speed up. Even my grandmother could skate faster than this. And she's dead."

  Bryan looked up from his feet to give Gavin a scowl. "Why can't I just download the software to ice skate?"

  "Because, then you'd be better than me, and you're already better than me at a lot of other shit," Gavin answered. "What, you not having fun?"

  "I _am_ having fun, I just do not appreciate you reminding me how much I suck at this," Bryan grumbled. Gavin loved whenever he was able to get under Nines' skin to the point of him mumbling. He was always so otherwise articulate.

  "C'mon, Nines, it's not that hard." He skated towards Bry. "Gimme your hands."

  Nines gave him a distrusting look. "Don't make me fall."

  "I won't. Trust me." Gavin held out his hands and waited. Hesitantly, Nines gave Gavin his own hands, and he was surprised at the warmth that emanated from Nines' body. He thought androids weren't supposed to be able to produce body heat? Wasn't that the purpose of the temperature checks last year, at the end of the revolution? Whatever.

  Still skating backward, Gavin guided Nines, who stared down at his unsure, wobbling feet the entire time. "Don't look at your feet." He said. "It feels more natural when you look up."

  Nines looked up, his head still ducked a little as though the urge to keep watch over his feet was too great. "Gavin, I'm gonna fall." Nines wobbled even more on his feet than he had been before.

  "You're not gonna fall," Gavin assured him. "Just focus on me, and try to copy what I'm doing."

  And so, he held Nines' hands to keep him from falling. Bryan wobbled and stumbled and tripped over thin air, sometimes only just barely managing to stay on his feet, even with Gavin's help. "I'm  _ really _ bad at this."

  Gavin shrugged. "Practice makes perfect, or some shit like that."

  "Can I please just download-"

  "Nope." Gavin interrupted him again. "Learn like a normal person." Bryan huffed in annoyance, brows knitting together as he tried to focus on the task at hand. Slowly, but surely, he stopped stumbling as much. "Look, you’re doing great."

  "I suppose I'm doing okay," Bryan replied.

  "I'm gonna let go of you, now, see if you can do it on your own."

  "What? No, Gavin," Nines stumbled in his panic. "I'm gonna fall."

  Gavin rolled his eyes. "Wow, you were made for high detail police work, and you're scared of falling on your ass." He teased. "You don't even feel shit."

  "It's still embarrassing…!" Nines grit through his teeth, only loud enough for them to hear, looking around as though everyone in the room was staring at him. "I don’t want to do this anymore."

  "Falling on your ass is a part of life, dipshit." And with that, he released Bryan's hands. Said android went skidding across the ice freely, legs wobbling, arms flailing. And then Nines fell flat on his ass. He looked up at Gavin with an annoyed looking pout. Gavin smirked, trying his best to hold back laughter. "Well, what, are you just gonna stay there?"

  The answer had been no. Nines had stood to his feet shakily, and then started skating towards Gavin quite quickly. The idea to run hadn't come to mind until Nines crashed into him, and they both went sliding across the ice.

  Upon them not sliding anymore, and Gavin's head knocking not-so-gently into the outer wall of the rink, he opened his eyes, not having remembered closing them in the first place. He was greeted by the sight of icy grey eyes staring directly into his.

  Gavin had always read in books about the world slowing down or ceasing to exist, and the heart skipping a couple beats when locking eyes with someone. He'd always called bullshit, having never experienced it for himself.

  His heart skipped a beat.

  There seemed to be no one else in the room.

  Realization.

  It had only lasted a few seconds, but it felt like forever before Nines was scrambling back, getting to his feet, offering Gavin a hand up. Gavin took it, his face burning red, his mind doing summersaults.

  They had moved on quite quickly, just like the  _ 'Marley and Me' _ incident, they wordlessly agreed not to mention it. The pair spent the rest of the day at least arm's length away from each other.

  As he lay in bed now, though, going through the event over and over again in his head, Gavin thought something for the first time in a long time.

_ I'm in love _ .

  And a second, more common thought, that he almost always thought in capital letters.

__ _ FUCK _ .


	2. Gavin Reed Shouldn't Drink

  Bryan couldn't slip into stasis that night. Try as he might, he couldn't stop rewatching the incident from today over and over in his memory files.

  It wasn't anything new to him that he was in love with Gavin. He'd been feeling that way towards the man for a little over a month now, and though he was new to emotions, he knew what this one was.  
  
 _Love  
_ _Noun  
_ _A strong positive emotion of regard and affection  
_ _Verb  
_ _Be enamored or in love with  
  
_ _Noun  
_ _Any object of warm affection or devotion_

  Usually, definitions didn't do emotions justice. All of those definitions fit the bill for how he felt towards Gavin, though. Occasionally, one of the other definitions caught his eye, too.

   _Love  
_ _Noun  
_ _A deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction_

  He would never admit it, of course, but Nines had… entertained the fantasy of going to bed with Gavin. Of course, the fantasy only ever went so far, since Bryan had never done anything with anyone (after his memory had been reset all those months ago, at least). He had definitely thought about it a good deal, though, since he came to terms with his attraction to the other man. Of course, his emotional attachment towards the man was stronger than his sexual attraction, but… he had to admit, Gavin was definitely a looker. In his humble opinion, at least.

  Nines had always gotten small glimpses that would point him towards believing his feelings were reciprocated, tiny hints that had been thrown to the side where they wouldn't see the light of day. Today, though, he remembered what his scans told him as soon as he'd opened his eyes and looked down at Gavin, pinned beneath him on the ice.  
  
 _Dilated pupils_ _ > Attraction?   
__Elevated heart rate - 80 Beats Per Minute, Slight Arrhythmia, No Trauma Detected  
_ _Elevated breathing rate - 50 Breaths Per Minute  
_ _No concussion from hitting his head - no medical attention required_

  And it didn't take any fancy android scanners to notice the red blooming across Gavin's face.

  Did Gavin feel the same way towards him? The human had never liked serious conversations about emotions. _"Ugh, no, gross, we're not gonna have a feelings pow-wow."_ Was what Gavin had said the first time Bryan asked for help with emotions. He'd eased up on it by now, but… love was a very strong feeling, and Gavin was as emotionally constipated as they came. And, anyway, how was he supposed to bring it up in the first place? _Hey, Gavin, remember how you used to hate my species just for existing? Yeah, well, you wanna make out, or some shit?_ That would never work.

  He sighed. A memory, belonging not to him, but his predece- er, brother, made itself known in his field of vision.

   _"Emotions always screw everything up."_

  Well, that didn't seem quite right. Emotions weren't a bad thing, for the most part. As casual and cool as Nines always presented himself, he did feel, and most of the time, he liked being able to feel. He liked being able to love, especially. It was a wonderful, yet frightening experience. Today had made his thirium pump and his nonexistent stomach flutter with nervous butterflies, a warm, fuzzy feeling spreading throughout him. Now, he just needed to work up the metaphorical guts to tell Gavin.

___________________________________

  The next few days of Gavin's life seemed to blur together. He couldn't tell where one day ended, and the next began.

  He pretended to work, as usual, and Nines actually worked, again, as usual. Hank and Connor did their thing, Fowler yelled at another couple people. You barely would have been able to tell that anything had happened with Nines and Gavin over the weekend.

  Gavin knew, though, and he was, (un)admittedly, kinda freaked the fuck out.

  He could remember the first day he'd started working with Nines almost vividly. He'd walked into the precinct, surprisingly on time, gone to the break room, and had spotted Connor and Anderson on their way into the building. As he was just about to drink his coffee, very suddenly, Fowler's voice called throughout the office. _"Reed! I need to see you in here!"_

  Gavin had scoffed, walked all moody-like into the Captain's office and shut the door a little too hard behind him. _Oops_ . _"What?"_ He asked, venom in his tone as he did so. That was when he noticed he and Jeffrey weren't the only ones there.

   _"Gavin, I want you to meet your new partner, Bryan."_ Fowler had said, motioned to the other person in the room. It turned its head to look at Gavin, the Detective noticed the LED on its temple, and- God, it looked just like Connor. The only difference was the eye color and the uniform. _"He'll be working under you, starting today."_

  He'd grit his teeth together, felt his blood nearly boiling inside of him. _"What the fucking fuck, Fowler?"_ He yelled. _"No! I don't wanna deal with this tin can!"_

   _"Reed, androids are_ ** _people_** _now, people with_ ** _rights_** _! This one wants to be a cop, and I've assigned you to be his partner!"_ He had leaned back in his seat, looking annoyed. _"You don't have to like it, you just have to shut your mouth, and do your job!"_

   _"Why the hell are you doing this to me, Fowler?"_ Gavin asked. _"God, why not team it up with fucking Anderson and his plastic pet? I bet they'd_ ** _love_** _another addition to their team. And anyway, I don't need a fucking partner, especially not a plastic prick like this thing!"_

   _"Detective, if you don't shut your mouth, and do your job, I'm gonna fire you,"_ Fowler said firmly. _"Now, get out of my office, and get to work."_

  Gavin growled a quick ' _phck_ ', turned on his heel as he flipped the Captain off, damn the consequences. He stormed out of the office, knowing the android was behind him the entire time. _"Detective, I sense you're uneasy with my presence."_

_"You're damn right I'm 'uneasy with your presence'!"_ Gavin had yelled.

  The rest was history. He treated Bryan like shit basically every day for weeks after they got partnered together. Then, Bryan had moved in, Gavin had warmed up to him, and now… he was in _love_ with the guy. It still felt weird, being in love at all. It had been such a long time since he could say he loved just about anyone.

  Fuck, he needed coffee. And a cigarette. And a drink. And some pain meds. Maybe a nap. Yeah, that all sounded really good right about now. Anything to think about other than the fact that he was in love with his android roommate/work partner who, by the way, was _way_ out of Gavin's league.

  There was no point in even loving Bryan. Everyone was already too good for someone like Gavin Reed, but Nines was so out of his league, he was in a different fucking park. Nines was all control, unmoved, unbothered by other forces. He was prim and proper, and thorough, and smart, and _wonderful_ , everything Gavin wasn't. Bryan actually had a purpose. Gavin was just a dead-beat lazy cop with an attitude, hoping he got that rumored promotion sometime soon.

  He sighed, making another match on the Mahjong game pulled up on his terminal before a cup of coffee was set on his desk. He looked at the cup, looked up again and met wolf-like (beautiful) grey eyes.

   _His heart skipped a beat._

_There was no one else in the room._

  "… avin? Gavin? Detective Reed?"

  He blinked a few times. When did he space out? "Uh, thanks." He said.

  Nines looked concerned, brows knit together, a small frown pulled at the corners of his (gorgeous) lips. "Are you alright, Detective?"

  "Yeah." Gavin lied through his teeth. "Just tired, 's all."

  Even if Nines weren't out of his league, there were a bunch of other things keeping Gavin from telling him. He'd already made a small list in his head of why these feelings for Bryan were just going to bite him in the ass.

  Reason one: officers in the same department weren't allowed to be romantically involved with each other, especially not if they were partners, or one of them was a higher rank. He and Nines were partners, who worked in the same precinct, and despite the fact that Bryan had always been better at being a Detective than Gavin ever had, Nines was still his subordinate. Check, check, and check. That rule hadn't kept Hank and Connor from getting together, but unless told that the two were dating, no one would have really guessed. They were pretty good at keeping their work and private life separate, all professionalism and not even remotely flirty while at the office, or off working a case. Theoretically, in a world where hell had frozen over and Bryan _was_ interested in him, Gavin figured it wouldn't be hard for them to keep up appearances at the precinct, either. The only thing they ever really did around the office was insult each other, and being in love with Nines had not at _all_ stopped Gavin from being an asshole to him; emphasized by him laughing at Bryan's expense when the other had fallen on his ass barely a few seconds after they'd stepped onto the ice.

  Reason number two: again, hell would have to have frozen over in order for Bryan to be interested in him, maybe not even then. Gavin was a mess of a man. He showed up to work late every day, barely ever showered, he had anger issues, hated himself almost as much as he hated the rest of the world, and once upon a time, had treated the man he was now in love with like… well, an object. That wouldn't have been so bad, before the revolution, before deviancy had wide-spread to the entire android population, and they'd been recognized as people; but this was post-revolution, so that made Gavin a racist piece of shit. Or, at least, he _was_ a racist piece of shit, up until about seven months ago. Now, he was just a normal piece of shit.

  Reason number three, and this one was a doozy: he was going to die, someday. He might die while on duty, go out in a blaze of glory like he'd always wanted, or maybe he would die of old age. If so, he was gonna grow old, and ugly, and fat. His brown hair would slowly turn silver, his face would sink in, sag, wrinkle, and his body would stop working properly. Bryan would never age a day, though. His senses would never dull, he would never get tired, his body would never ache from decades of use, his hair would never turn grey, and he'd never have to know about wrinkles. Thirty years from now, Gavin would probably look like shit, more than likely be on or near his deathbed, and Bryan would look as he did the day they met.

  Reason number four: he had literally no idea how to tell Bryan. How do you tell someone, who you'd literally hated at first glance, that you suddenly loved them? He wouldn't be surprised or even upset if Bryan hated his guts. He deserved it for how he'd treated him those first few months of working and living together. Nines probably only stuck around because Gavin hadn't had the heart to kick him out. _"Detective, shouldn't I be working towards getting my own place, and becoming independent?"_ Nines had asked him a few months ago.

  _"What? Nah."_ Gavin had replied. _"You're always gonna be welcome here, so there ain't no point. Besides, who'll keep me from doing stupid shit if you're not around?"_

  And Nines was still welcome in his home, even if he resented Gavin for his treatment towards him those first few months as he should. He'd grown too used to the android's company that even the thought of living alone in that apartment now felt… wrong. For years, no one had been able to get past his walls, into his life, but Nines had managed, and now Gavin didn’t want him to go anywhere.

  He was so utterly fucked.

____________________________

  Gavin honestly felt like a bit of a hypocrite right now but didn't really care. The only reason he'd made the fabrication of not wanting to be friends with Hank 'because of his coping methods' was because it was an easier way of saying 'I'm separating this person from my life so I won't have to cry when he ends up putting a bullet in his head'.

  So, what coping method did Gavin use to deal with the fact that his life was irreversibly fucked?

  Alcohol.

  Friday night, the end of the week. He'd driven home, stayed for a while, and then went out to a bar. On the way out the door, Bryan asked, _"Gavin? It's nine PM. Where are you going at this hour?"_

  And, of course, Gavin wasn't going to let Bryan know where he was actually going. _"McDonald's."_ He lied. He didn't wait for Nines to reply before he left.

  So, there he was, sitting at the bar, pondering how the fuck he'd fallen for an android.

  Why Nines? Why did it have to be the person he lived and worked with? He was never going to be able to hide it, not for very long, at least. Gavin guessed he'd end up spilling the beans soon enough, and then Bryan would hate him, and move out, and request another work partner. Maybe even never talk to him ever again.

  As melodramatic as the next thought was, maybe even corny _because_ of how dramatic, would Gavin even be able to fall in love again after that? Feeling it now, with Nines, was drowning him, more than the alcohol drowning his liver. He'd never really been in love before, not truly. He could remember a time where he'd thought he'd been in love, but it turned out he had only been in love with the concept of love. Of course, he wanted to be loved. Almost everyone wanted to mean something to someone else, himself included. And for the past thirty-seven years, he'd been on his own. Even now, he wondered if that were the case with Nines.

  No, he wasn't just in love with the idea of being with Nines. Bryan made him feel things, actually, genuinely, _feel_ things. He could still quite vividly, even through the haze of alcohol, remember the feeling of his heart pounding sporadically in his chest, the nervous fluttering in his gut, the way the world around them had disappeared entirely. It was cheesy, it was something you only heard in books, but Gavin swore to God that was what he'd experienced at the ice rink, and he'd never felt it before that in his entire miserable life.

  He downed another shot. He _had_ to get rid of that memory, erase it from his brain, and the feelings behind it. He'd always been self-destructive, but falling in love with Bryan was just downright self-mutilation. For his heart, of course. He'd never been in a real relationship, but he still knew what heartbreak was, and he wasn't ready for that at all.

  It was better to just push the feelings down, and keep pretending like they weren't there. He'd never be with Nines, not in that way, but he still wanted to keep the android in his life. Even if he could never have him the way he wanted.

_________________________

  Nines had known Gavin was lying when he said he was going to McDonald's.

  Firstly, Bryan had a literal bullshit detector built into him. He was built for interrogation, so a lie detector was obviously necessary. Nines had picked up on the fact that Gavin was lying just from the shifting of his eyes, and the elevated cortisol levels that showed up in his field of vision while scanning him.

  Secondly, Gavin hadn’t taken his car. For some reason, both he and Hank still decided to drive cars they had to operate themselves, even with autonomous vehicles being the norm of this day and age. Gavin's car keys sat on the kitchen counter, which meant wherever he had _actually_ gone, he planned on walking there and back or taking a cab. The nearest McDonald's was a mile and a half away. Gavin still hadn't been sleeping correctly lately, and there was no way in hell the man was walking that far for a Big Mac after working all day. There was also no way he was taking a cab there, since the fare would be more expensive than his, to quote Gavin, 'cheap ass' would be willing to pay.

  Wherever Gavin had gone, it was nearby, and it wasn't a food place, not this late at night. Of course, he didn't want to make assumptions about what the man was doing, but… it did occur to him that Gavin might be out on a date, or trying to hook up with someone, maybe. He didn't have evidence to conclude either of those theories, though, so it was probably something else that had given him that assessment.

  Jealousy, more than likely. It wasn't an emotion he experienced very often, but jealousy had never been hard to pin down. He shouldn't be jealous, though. Gavin was his own man, and, again, he had no evidence to back that assessment up. It was all in his head. He wasn't _with_ Gavin, but… the thought of him being with someone else… well, it kind of made him wanna cry. Maybe only a little, but it definitely saddened him deeply, no doubt about it.

  He didn't cry, though. It was also entirely possible Gavin had just gone out to have some time for himself. Since he'd moved in, Bryan had been in the Detective's presence nearly every waking moment. Gavin didn't like people, he was obviously an introvert. Maybe he just needed to blow off some steam, have some time to be alone with his thoughts.

  Nines, however, did not appreciate being alone with his thoughts. Here he was, though, without Gavin by his side as he almost always was. Loneliness, another emotion Nines hadn't felt very often but never had trouble identifying, either. With all of this alone time, his mind started to wander. Simulated images flashed through his head of him and Gavin spending their lives together. Going on dates, experiencing life, growing as people, getting engaged, later, married. Nines had never wanted much of anything, but he knew he definitely wanted that. He at least wanted to see how far along that list they would get.

  It was all only wishful thinking, though. Even with the evidence that Gavin might feel the same way, Bryan could still never muster the courage to tell him. He'd tried on Sunday, Monday, Thursday, earlier today, but the words had never formed, and Gavin sure as hell wasn't gonna confess if he even did feel the same way.

  It was nearly midnight when Gavin stumbled in the door.

  The door slammed not-so-graciously or very quietly whatsoever against the wall as he'd walked in, nearly losing his footing. Bryan smelled the alcohol on him immediately. "Phck," Gavin mumbled as he tried to regain his footing, leaning against the apartment door as he clumsily shut it behind himself. He slid down the wall, sat on the floor, unable to hold himself up. Bryan only stared. He didn't know what to say. Gavin had, occasionally, had a drink here or there in the time they'd known each other. He got a bit tipsy on the 4th of July, had a few shots on his birthday, but Nines had never seen him drunk like this. Even without a breathalyzer test, though, Bryan knew Gavin was probably way past the legal limit. Good thing he didn’t drive.

  Gavin stayed slumped on the floor for a moment before he started laughing quietly to himself. "Gavin? What's so funny?" Bryan asked cautiously.

  "Ah, I'm so fucked." Gavin slurred in reply, smiling and drunkenly giggling as if what he'd just said was the punchline to a joke.

  Nines stood to his feet. "Why, what's wrong?"

  "I'm so fucked," Gavin repeated. His giggles slowed, he ran a hand down his face.

  Nines frowned. "I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong."

  The Detective used the handle of the door to pull himself back up to his feet. He swayed from side to side as he waved a hand dismissively, putting a bit more oomph into it than he'd obviously meant to. "Jus' go to bed," Gavin said. He started walking down the hall, using the wall as support, before slipping into his room. Bryan heard it lock behind him. Gavin almost never locked his door.

  This might be pointing out the obvious, but something was definitely wrong. And there wasn't much of anything Bryan could do about it.

________________________________

  The weekend had come and gone, as it always had. Monday had dragged on like it personally hated everyone. Bryan didn’t even know androids could get a case of the Mondays, but Monday had definitely been hell.

  Today was Tuesday, however. Three days had passed since what he was now referring to (to no one, not even the Detective, only to himself, for the time being) as the 'Gavin shouldn't drink' incident, and it seemed the problem had all but fixed itself. He still wasn't sleeping right, still seemed a bit off, but he hadn't tried to drink himself into a stupor since then, so that was… something, at least. Alcoholism was a topic Nines really didn’t want to have to deal with, so he really hoped Friday night had been a fluke. A one-time situation. Dear rA9, _please_ don't let Gavin be an alcoholic. Another wordless agreement was in place to never mention what had happened three nights ago if Gavin could even remember it.

  The Detective had, once again, neglected to drink any coffee before they'd left for work, and the whites of his eyes were bloodshot red. Bryan calculated he couldn't have gotten any more than two and a half hours of sleep, maybe three, if he'd been lucky. He'd definitely still been very unfortunately wide awake when Nines had gone into stasis at past three in the morning.

  So, Bryan was in the break room, making a cup of coffee for Gavin. From where he stood in front of the coffee machine, he saw his partner at his desk. Head propped in his hand, playing Solitaire, 'working', as usual. He probably had his case files pulled up in the background, should Fowler decide to peak his head out and look his way, _typical Gavin_. Even if he hadn't had advanced eyesight, Nines was pretty sure he still would have been able to see the bags under Gavin's eyes from here.

  He was stirring the coffee, having made it exactly to Gavin's liking: seven packets of sugar, and a splash of hazelnut creamer, when a familiar voice had interrupted his thoughts. "Good morning, Bryan."

  He turned his head to see his prede- _brother_ (he really needed to stop calling him that other word), Connor, standing there in his usual stance, arms folded behind his back, a smile on his face, as there normally was. He gave Connor a smile of his own. "Good morning, Connor."

  "You seem preoccupied," Connor said, cutting straight to the chase. He leaned against the counter. "Is something wrong?"

  "Personally, no," Bryan replied. The urge to tell someone about the recent events in his life had risen with Connor here, though. He put making coffee for Gavin on pause. "Can… I share some information with you?"

  His brother blinked a few times, constructing a response to such a sudden request, no doubt. "Of course, you can." He said after a moment, smiling again. "What's up?"

  Nines raised his hand, the skin fading back to his elbow, fingertips glowing blue. He didn't want to have this conversation out loud here, where many other prying ears could hear, so interfacing seemed the best bet. Connor hesitated for a moment before locking hands with him, and Bryan decided to show his brother the most conflicting memories he'd made within the last month.

  The first memory, of course, had been the ice rink. He'd gotten up with every intention of knocking Gavin flat on his ass, and instead, had ended up knocking them both over, with the Detective pinned underneath him. The scans he'd made the moment he'd looked down at Gavin popped up in front of the memory and Nines looked again at the utterly bewildered and flustered face the human had made, noticing he was kind of trapped under a hundred pound android.

  The memory after that had been the 'Gavin shouldn't drink' incident. He and Connor watched Gavin stumble through the door, giggling at how 'fucked' his life was, trip over his own feet a couple times before slipping into his room and locking the door. The conclusion that Gavin never locked his door had popped up in his field of view at that point, so now Connor could see that, and it seemed a pretty vital detail.

  And with the wonders of technology, it had barely even taken a second to watch both memories. Connor pulled his hand away and looked deeply concerned after that, a frown pulled at the corners of his lips. Nines sometimes hated how identical he and Connor were, but at least it'd never be hard to lose the other in a crowd. "That is… a difficult situation you seem to be in." Was his response.

  "I don't know what to say to him." Nines admitted. "He hasn't been sleeping right, and he's been more shut off than usual. I have reasons to believe he feels the same way, and that it's the cause for him being like this recently, but…"

  Connor tapped his chin with his finger in thought. He seemed to have picked up more human-like ticks than Bryan thought he probably ever would. "It's not hard to see that he likes you in that way. Even Hank noticed." Connor paused. "I think I might know how to solve this dilemma."

  Nines felt himself brighten a little at that. "Really? How?"

  Connor stood ramrod straight again, folded his arms behind his back. "I could be your wingman." At the confused look Nines gave his brother, Connor continued. "The DPD holds an annual Christmas party every year. It's this Saturday. You two could go, have some fun, some laughs, and I could gauge his reactions for you throughout the night so you could focus on trying to get him to relax. Then, on the way home, maybe you'll have enough courage to tell him."

  He thought it over for a moment. "That… sounds like a good idea." He replied. "Okay. If you could do that for me, I would greatly appreciate it."

  "What's family for, if not an older brother trying to help his younger brother win over the heart of a salty detective?" Connor asked with a smile. Bryan had to appreciate the guy's enthusiasm.

  "Thank you, Connor."

  "No problem." He replied.

  Nines finished making coffee for Gavin, Connor had gone ahead and made some for Hank, and Bryan didn't fail to notice that Connor still did that thing where he wrote the Lieutenant's name on the cup in pretty cursive, a little black ink heart added at the end. There wasn't any real reason for him to do that. He'd done it back before he and Hank had gotten together, as a small show of his affection. The cup went straight from his hand to Hank's desk, and thus would never be mistaken for someone else's. He still did it, though, even all these months later.

  After Connor had left the room, Nines decided to try it out for himself. In the nicest script he could, he wrote Gavin's name on the cup. He didn't add the heart. Work wasn't the right place for Gavin to have a meltdown, and Gavin was not the best with emotions. Besides, Connor's plan seemed genius. It was a sound way to admit to his feelings, there was always room to back out if he got cold feet, and he had time to prepare himself until then in the hope he wouldn’t end up chickening out. It was almost foolproof.

  Almost.


	3. Hank Fucked Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While at the party, they decide it's a good idea to play Truth or Dare, and despite Hank's earlier comment not to drag Gavin into an uncomfortable situation... well, he ends up being the one to drag Gavin into an uncomfortable situation, anyway.

  Could the heart get diabetes? Gavin didn't know, but he sure fucking hoped not.

  Even with exhaustion clouding his vision, Gavin had always had a keen eye for details. It was why he was good at his job, despite never really actually doing it unless he was being monitored. He didn't fail to notice his name written in the prettiest handwriting he'd just about ever seen on the cup of coffee Nines had set on his desk with a smile.

  He wasn't sure if he was ready to deal with this since it _kind of_ implied that he wasn't the only one stuck on Love Island right now. He'd _wanted_ his feelings to be returned, of course, he just didn't know how to process the information that they almost definitely were. You don't write someone's name in cursive on a paper coffee cup that was going to be thrown away at the bottom of it. You chicken-scratch it. You're not supposed to put effort into trash, but then, Bryan was still friends with _him_ after this long, so obviously, Nines did put effort into trash.

  It was so sweet, Gavin felt (only kind of jokingly) compelled to check his insulin levels. And since he wasn't diabetic, that wouldn't even be a thing he would normally do. Fuck. Just, fuck. He didn't know how to deal with this. He didn't _want_ to deal with this.

  Often, before last November, Gavin had envied androids for not being able to feel. Life would be _so_ much easier without emotions. He wouldn't have drunk himself near into a coma a few nights ago without emotions, he wouldn't be holding down the urge to run straight outta the office right now if he couldn't feel. Now, though, even androids weren't safe from feeling things, and it made him feel even more fucked than he already had.

  The alcohol a few nights ago hadn't really worked, and it wasn't even an option right now since he was stuck here. So, Gavin used one of his other, arguably only a little less unhealthy coping methods; ignoring it entirely. Or, at least, as much as he could manage to ignore it.

  Even if Bryan _did_ feel the same way, even if Gavin wasn't reading too much into this, something between them would just be awkward. And also against the rules in the code of conduct. He didn't wanna deal with awkward, and he didn't want either of them to lose their jobs. Plus, Nines was still way too good for him. Nines deserved to be in a relationship with someone stable, someone confident, and smart, and good-looking. Someone who was just as great as him. Gavin Reed did not fit that description whatsoever. He was not confident, he hid his self-hatred with a fake ego. He was not stable, either, because fucking anger issues that he'd never been able to get under control. He wasn't particularly above averagely smart, and he looked like his mother, which in his book meant he was fugly. Not just ugly; fugly. He was not as great as Nines. He didn't even begin to compare, was nowhere near good enough to even be in the other's line of sight, or even his thoughts.

  Whenever Gavin had read romance books, or watched a movie, or heard a love song, everyone always talked about how great it was to be in love. They always sounded like they were on Cloud Nine (no pun intended) when talking about the person they were crazy for. Gavin, however, felt like he'd died a long time ago, and this was his eternal punishment for being such a dick to just about everyone who had been unlucky enough to cross paths with him. Love was not great. He was suffering, and there didn't seem to be any release from it, no light at the end of the tunnel. He'd honestly already contemplated smashing his head into a brick wall.

  And, another thing that had come to mind: wouldn't it be kind of weird to date an upgraded version of the android he'd wanted to shoot a year ago? Nines had the same voice, the same face, the same build (quite literally) as Connor. There were only a few differences, like their eye colors, certain parts of their personalities. There were a few very minor aesthetic changes, like the fact that Connor had curly hair, rather than the fresh off the CyberLife assembly line straight, slicked back style Bry still wore now. Connor was upbeat, while Bryan was usually cold, and calculating. If you put the two of them in the same room together, though, and didn't know them personally, you probably never would have spotted the difference. You wouldn't even be able to tell which one was more advanced than the other. There was nothing about Bryan that screamed 'I'm a more advanced prototype than that puppy dog looking android to the left of me'. They looked to be on equal footing.

  Whatever. He didn't want to think about this anymore. He just wanted some sort of conclusion. Whether it ended with him and Bryan together (NOT LIKELY), or with the other disappearing from his life entirely, he didn't care anymore (that was a lie). He just wanted this to end in some way, so he could move on, possibly having to pick up the pieces and build his walls back up even thicker, so no one could ever make him feel this way again.

_____________________

 

  Thursday night, Bryan sat at the dining table across from Gavin while the man silently ate his dinner and scrolled on his phone. Nines tapped his fingers against the tabletop in an attempt to fill the silence, and in doing so, managed to grab the attention of Gavin. The other's eyes flicked up from the screen of his phone to the android across from him, raising a brow. "What?"

  "What?" Bryan repeated him, confused.

  "Somethin's on your mind," Gavin replied. He turned his phone off and put it on the table. "What's up?"

  He drummed his fingers on the table again, forming a reply in his head. "I was thinking… The DPD Christmas party is on Saturday."

  "Tch." Gavin scoffed. "Christmas parties are a waste of time."

  Nines frowned. "I was kind of hoping to attend." He said. "I wouldn't want to go on my own, however."

  "Lemme guess," Gavin started. "You want me to come with."

  Nines nodded. "Yes."

  The Detective ran a hand down his face, paired with a long, possibly overly exaggerated sigh of exasperation. "Fine," Gavin muttered. "'M not fuckin' going next year, though. We're just goin' cuz this is your first department party."

  "It's, um, also kind of my first Christmas." Gavin looked at him confused for a minute. "I have no memory of what was  _ technically _ my first Christmas."

  Gavin nodded, the irony not missed on either with the fact that he hadn't remembered Bryan's memory had been wiped before he started working at the DPD. "… You, uh, ever wonder what your life was like before you ended up with me?"

  "'Ended up'?"

  "You're doin' a whole lotta repeating me, tonight."

  Nines sighed. "I often wonder what my life was like, but… just because I wonder, doesn't mean that I don't appreciate this lifetime any less. Equally, the people with whom are in it."

  "I'm like, the only person you talk to," Gavin mumbled.

  "I know."

  Gavin's face turned red, and Bryan had to stop himself from being too outwardly proud at flustering him. At this point, it wasn't a question of whether Gavin liked him back; the question now was, why was he hiding it? Bryan would have come out and told him right then if it weren't for the fact that Connor had already offered to help him, and the fact that he was, as Gavin would probably say, 'chickenshit'. That is to say, scared as fuck.

  They sat in silence for another few moments before Gavin cleared his throat, then faked a yawn. "Oh, damn, I'm beat. You know how it is, not getting any sleep." He paused. "Well, actually, you don't. But I'm sure if I sat here longer, you'd read me symptoms of sleep deprivation like I asked for it."

  Bryan smiled. "You know me so very well." And then his lips pulled into a frown. "You didn't finish your dinner, though."

  "I'm not that hungry."

_ He's lying _ . Besides the fact that Bryan's bullshit detector was going off, he'd also been around the Detective all day (of course), and thus, had monitored his calorie intake. He'd barely even had a third of the recommended daily intake. His lunch consisted of a cup of coffee and a small handful of leftover potato chips he'd had stored in his desk. There was no point in pushing, though. Gavin was stubborn, and Nines didn't feel like arguing. So, he nodded. "I'll leave it in the microwave for you, in case you get hungry later."

  "Thanks, buddy." Gavin patted him on the back a little roughly, but then, Nines was used to Gavin being… overzealous. Sure, that word would work. He'd long since adapted to the disaster that was Gavin Reed. Said Detective walked down the hall towards his room. "Night, Bry."

  "Goodnight, Gavin." Nines replied quietly. Gavin turned the knob to his room, looked back at Bryan for a moment. "I hope you have sweet dreams."

  Gavin's face turned even redder. He shifted on his feet. "Yeah, me too." And with that, he disappeared into his room, closing the door behind him, and leaving Bryan with nothing but his thoughts. Of course, his thoughts were about Gavin.

_____________________________

  There were a lot of things insomniacs, like himself, would do to pass the time since trying to sleep was a hopeless battle. Currently, he was partaking in the insomniac activity known as 'counting dots on ceiling tiles'. He saw about thirty in the one directly above him before he realized trying to get his mind off other things was a hopeless battle, as well. His brain was racing a million miles an hour.

  He needed a distraction. Gavin sat up in bed, grabbed his phone from the bedside table, unlocked it. He was greeted with the home screen, his wallpaper being a picture of him and Nines. The android had wanted to try selfies out and then decided selfies were too lonely of an endeavor and talked Gavin into taking a picture with him. In the picture, Domino was resting on the back of the couch, while Nines and him sat close together, their faces practically smushed together in order to fit into the camera's field of view. Bry's smile was kind of creepy back then. Him, and just about every other android Gavin had ever encountered (which, mind you, was very few) had difficulty displaying genuine facial expressions the first few months of them being alive. Connor had been that way, too, from what Gavin could vaguely remember. Of course, those smiles were all directed at Hank, because he had always been a bigger jerk to Connor than he ever had been to Bryan, probably. He  _ did _ kind of want to shoot him a year ago.

  Why had he set that as his wallpaper? He hadn't. Nines had snatched his phone from him the moment they were done taking the picture, and put it there himself. Gavin just hadn't changed it.

  Part of him wanted to change it right now, just so he wouldn't have to look at Bryan's stupid gorgeous face anymore. He even frowned at the picture because of it. No matter where he went, Nines was there, even if not in the physical. If he could just separate himself-

  No. No, he'd pushed a lot of people away, already. His brother, who would have no idea as to why, Gavin had just cut contact with him, cold turkey. His family, who all wouldn't care if he'd fallen off the face of the earth.  The man he had once considered a dear friend, all because he'd had a death wish. It would be easy to cut off contact with Nines; leave work without him, lock the door, not let him inside, not go to work where Bryan undoubtedly would keep showing up.

  Okay, maybe it wasn't that easy, since he kind of needed his job. He would never be able to do that to Nines, anyway... Somehow, the thought of shutting Bryan out hurt more than the imminent rejection he'd receive as soon as his little secret got spilled. Maybe because shutting Nines out would hurt them both. If anyone was gonna get hurt in this, it should be Gavin. He was the one who went and fell for a solid nine (pun intended) when he was so ugly and useless, he wasn't even on the fucking scale. Maybe his looks wouldn't matter so much to him if he was worth a lick in anything else, or maybe if he looked better, he would settle for not having a discernable personality. But he had neither, at least in his opinion.

  So, he couldn't tell Bryan he was in love with him, and he couldn't get rid of him, either. A problem without a solution.

  He felt so  _ trapped _ . More trapped than he had ever felt with his family, more trapped than he had been to this insomnia the last few weeks. It was like trying to escape a room without exits. Pound as desperately as he would on the walls slowly closing in on him, there was no way out. And the worst part was, he never knew when the end was gonna come.

  He set his phone on the bed in front of him, the picture still glaring up at him, burning a hole where his heart should have been, probably. Of all the times to fall in love, it had taken him thirty-seven years, and he couldn't even enjoy it like everyone else. There were people out there right now, having a wonderful time with the person they loved. Fuck, Hank and Connor were probably at home right now, cuddled up on the couch, watching TV, or some shit. He'd always heard stories from other people, telling of how they'd gotten with their sweethearts. It was almost the same every time.  _ "Oh, I was scared they would reject me, but they didn't! Now, we're happily engaged, and our wedding is in June." _

  Gavin wasn't just  _ scared _ of rejection, he was fucking terrified of losing the only person in his life. For so many years, he was convinced he needed no one. Now, though… if he confessed, Bryan would hate him, or be put off, or  _ something _ . Either way, he didn't see it ending well for him, and he was almost sure the other man would leave at some point after that. Switch precincts, never talk to him again. And then it would just be Gavin and his cats again.

_ This is what you get for pushing everyone away, dumb cunt _ . He didn't know when he'd started crying. All of these emotions, the lack of sleep and food, mixing together at once probably wasn't a very good combination, or healthy, in any sense of the word. He just felt like a wreck, honestly. He would give anything to just melt into the blobby puddle he'd been feeling like lately. Blobby puddles didn't have to deal with unrequited love.

  Gavin grabbed his pillow, put his knees to his chest, and sobbed into it, trying his damnedest not to make noise. Nines was right out there with his super-android hearing. Even  _ with _ the pillow to muffle it out, he was still afraid of Nines hearing him. _ "Hey, Gavin, why are you crying?" "Oh, because I'm stupid, and apparently like torturing myself by falling for people who would never even look at me as potential partner material because I'm a fucking mess. You know, the usual." _

  Fuck. He could barely breathe with this pillow over his face, muffling his sobs and choking him both at once. He couldn't stop crying, though, and letting Nines hear him seemed even worse than passing out from oxygen deprivation. At least then, he'd be able to get some rest.

  The pillowcase was wet and warm, and it stuck to his skin like sweaty clothes in summer. It felt mucky and wrong, and gross, and a list of other things and he couldn't fucking do shit about it. Even more issues without solutions. His whole life was one big problem without a solution.

  Well, unless he pulled an Anderson and decided to blow his brains out, but, that would probably have even worse of an effect on Bryan than Gavin locking him out of the apartment would.

  Misery loves company. Too bad that, even with someone in his life, Gavin still insisted on being alone.

____________________________________

  Friday had been mind-numbingly horrible.

  Waking up hadn't been pleasant (it never was, but it was worse today). The alarm blaring in his ears, a headache that seemed to make his entire body ache. He'd slammed a fist on the offending object to make it shut the fuck up with an aggravated groan that made his headache even worse. 

  He stumbled into the bathroom, did his business, and looked in the mirror. His eyes were red, whether from crying or sleep deprivation, he couldn't tell. There were, however, visible tear tracks on his face that would tip off just about anyone that he'd been crying the night before, high-tech android scanners or not. So, that wasn't allowed to stay a thing.

  The shower he took to get rid of the evidence of his unwarranted emotional breakdown at midnight had eased the headache a little. Now, instead of hurting like a fucking son of a toothless whore, it only hurt like a son of a bitch. An improvement, but not enough of one, so he popped some pain meds before exiting the bathroom.

  The rest of the day was just aggravating, it was a miracle he didn't break down in the fucking office. Firstly, his car had refused to start up. So, they had to walk, and it was fucking cold as fuck outside. Then, he and Nines didn't get a single case, instead having to do desk work all damn day. He was out of smokes, and the coffee machine in the break room was broken. He was gonna get some cigarettes and coffee when he went out to lunch, but then Fowler last minute asked him and Bryan to help Hank and Connor with an interrogation. Supposedly, the perp hadn't been talking the last few days. Hank and Connor were a near-unbeatable team, and Nines and Gavin were a pretty close second, so of course, Fowler made all four of his best cops do it.

  Like Hank and Connor even needed any fucking help. Hank was pretty scary, being a big, burly man with a deep, resonating voice that could go from passive-aggressively quiet one moment to terrifyingly booming the next. Then, there was Connor, and he could be just as scary, sometimes even more than Hank, when he wanted/needed to be. In fact, he was the one who even ended up getting the confession, in the end, using scare tactics the entire time. It sure was weird to hear him curse, Gavin thought dryly.

  By the time Connor had gotten a confession, though, there were only five minutes left of lunch break. Chris had been nice enough to grab something for him and Hank since they'd been wrapped up, but Gavin wasn't even hungry. He'd just wanted caffeine and nicotine, neither of which Chris had thought to grab, to no fault of his own. He had remembered some of the things Gavin liked, such as a burger, fries, and even his favorite soda (Sprite), and he ate it so the man wouldn't have wasted his money; but considering he hadn't wanted food, it was kind of a waste, anyway. He was getting good at pretending to be grateful for things he'd never asked for, though, so it'd fooled everyone. Probably not Nines, but nothing got past that bastard, so he didn't count when it came to fooling people.

  His terminal just up and stopped working right after lunch, so he was stuck doing literal paperwork the entire rest of the day. As the clock read 4:58 PM, two minutes before quitting time, Bryan had oh-so-helpfully reminded him that there was a mandatory meeting for all personnel who worked first shift. So, then he hadn't gotten to leave until six, sat in the meeting room, barely even listening. He didn't have the energy for it. He went to his room and thankfully passed out as soon as he and Bry had gotten home. It seemed like even crippling insomnia couldn't keep him going for too long. He was bound to crash at some point.

  Friday had blurred into Saturday, and now it was late afternoon, about four. The Christmas party started at 6:30, and was in the next town over, so he was getting ready.

  He wore something similar to what he had the last time he'd bothered to go to one of these damn things. He hadn't been bright-eyed back then, but he hadn't been all bah-humbug either, so his outfit was… just between the lines of festive and normal. He didn't wear some stupid fucking light up tie like Fowler had the one year, but he had a bright red tie and a pair of green suspenders that had been sitting in his closet now for the last few years. And, he'd decided, apparently, that if he was getting dragged to this stupid fucking thing, he might as well look the part. Even if he looked dorky.

  He'd shaven, taking his usual grown-out stubble down all the way to the roots of the hairs, barely recognizing the clean face that stared back at him in the mirror.

  His hair was slicked back with a bit of gel, not enough to the point where you could very plainly tell he'd used product. He always thought it looked kinda cheesy when someone's hair looked petrified and shiny, almost plastic-like because of how much shit they'd used. He was kinda surprised he even had hair gel, honestly.

  A dark red shirt to contrast the vibrant tie, black slacks, and some dress shoes that he also hadn't worn in a few years. Thank God, his feet hadn't grown. He looked okay. Better than he usually did, anyway.

  Bryan, for reasons unknown, had insisted on going to Hank and Connor's house to get ready for tonight. Something about helping Connor pick an outfit. He wasn't home yet, and so Gavin used the time to give himself a small pep talk. A mental pep talk, since Nines could be home at any moment, and the last thing he needed was to get chucked in a crazy house for talking to himself.

  There was no reason to freak out. It's just a party. He'd been to a few when he was younger. He hadn't gone to college but ended up associating with a lot of college kids and getting invited to dorm parties, anyway. He'd been to a couple parties since then, but they were so far and few between. If you couldn't already tell, he wasn't exactly a very social person.

  The sound of the front door opening and his cats meowing from the living room told Gavin that Nines was home.  _ Alright. This is fine. It's just a party. A social get together. With people you already know. What could go wrong…? _

  He exited the bathroom, closing the door behind him before walking down the hall and into the living room. Nines was sat on the floor, Ash, Domino, and Lucky all trying to clamber up on him to greet him home. They always did this, traitorous pussies. At noticing his presence, Nines looked up at Gavin, and the Detective took in the sight in front of him.

  Nines wasn't as festive with his outfit; a normal, light grey  , the sleeves pushed to his elbows. Slacks, the tight-fitting kind, Gavin hated himself for noticing. Normal, black dress shoes, the same ones he wore to work and anywhere else any other day. Among that seemingly bland outfit, though, was a bright red tie.

  Nines did a double take and then smiled. "We're wearing the same tie."

  And now, Gavin was sure of two things: one, his face was probably identical in hue to his and Bry's matching ties. Two, this would no doubt be the night he  _ crashed and burned _ .

  But he couldn't back out. If this was going to be the night he ended up spilling, then at least he might be able to move on soon. Fix the issue at hand, even if he ended up broken-hearted. At least, Nines wouldn't get hurt, and Gavin would have a couple last good memories with him to last until his brain rotted in old age, or he died while on duty.

  "Yeah," Gavin replied, a little too long of a delay his response. "I see."

  Nines only continued to smile at him. "You clean up very well, Gavin."

  Now, his face probably matched his tie. "You're, um…"  _ Say something, idiot _ . "Not too bad yourself."

  Honest to God, Nines  _ blushed _ . His cheeks flushed the most obvious royal blue. Gavin was sure he was seeing things, though. He'd done a well enough job of convincing himself it wasn't there. There was no way in hell Bryan could ever love him. He was just flustered from receiving a compliment. It happens to everyone. "Thank you."

  "You ready to hit the road?" Gavin asked, pulling his jackets off the coat rack by the door. Nines nodded. "Alright, come on, let's go."

_______________________________________

**_-The Anderson household  Saturday, December 22nd, 2039  3:45 PM-_ **

  Nines walked into the living room behind Connor as his brother shut the door behind him. Hank sat in the kitchen, wearing a sweater similar in hue to the one Connor was wearing. Connor's had a dog on it, Hank's said 'MERRY GO FUCK YOURSELF' in capital letters. Interesting.

  "Hey there, Bryan." The older man greeted. "So, Connor's gonna help you bag Reed, huh?"

  "Yes." Nines admitted, not even mad that Connor had told him. Hank was a good guy. He wasn't gonna let it slip in front of anyone. No one who wasn't involved, anyway. "Do you have any tips for me, Lieutenant?"

  "Hank." Connor corrected him gently. Right, Hank didn't like going by that after hours.

  Hank shrugged a little. "Only a bit of a warning."

  "What's that?"

  "I've known Gavin for the past thirteen years he's been a cop," Hank said. "If he is in a tight situation, and he needs to get away, he's gonna run from his problems as fast as his legs will carry him." He paused for effect. "So, whatever you two are planning, try not to drag Gavin into an uncomfortable situation."

  "You are concerned about his wellbeing?"

  "Yeah," Hank replied. "He's a good kid. He just don't know it, yet."

  "Alright, well." Connor clapped his hands together. "We're a bit pressed for time, so it's time for you to go pick out an outfit."

  "You two have fun with that," Hank called as Connor dragged him down the hall.

  He was pulled into a room, coated in blue paint. There were torn stickers on the wall of cartoon characters and other shapes, there were glow in the dark stars on the ceiling, a bed, a dresser, and a closet. A pretty basic room. On the wall the bed was pressed up against, there was a flag. A black, grey, white and purple stripe on it. Further research indicated it was the asexual flag. "This is your room, correct?"

  "Mmhm." Connor hummed. He pointed at the closet. "Anything that would look nice on you, I've already hung in the closet, if you want to look through." It's a good thing Nines was only a couple inches taller than Connor, so he fit the other's clothes. "Do you know what Detective Reed will be wearing this evening?"

  "I saw his outfit before I left our apartment." He then proceeded to tell Connor about Gavin's outfit. The dark red shirt, a bright red tie, green suspenders.

  "Oh, I have a tie just like that!" Connor exclaimed happily upon receiving the image from Bryan's memory. "You two could match. Let me find it."

  "Okay." Nines agreed. Matching sounded like a cool concept. Plus, then he could point it out in front of Gavin and pretend he'd never even known about the red tie.

  It didn't take very long for Connor to find it, given how neat and tidy his room was. His bed, perfectly made, not a scrap of anything laying anywhere. Nines guessed it was an android thing, to always live in clean conditions. Or maybe it was just a him and Connor thing. Further research would be needed into this phenomenon, at a later date when he wasn't trying to woo his roommate/work partner.

  And so, Bryan picked out an outfit from Connor's closet, put it on, and looked in the mirror at himself.

  He'd never really had an opinion on his looks, really. He didn't need to try- the only thing that ever really changed is that sometimes his hair got messed up a little when he went into stasis on the couch. But since he didn't roll around in his 'sleep', that rarely ever happened, and a hairbrush would fix it right up. He found himself wishing his appearance would change, so he had his bad days, and good days, and could form an opinion. For now, he was just… indifferent.

  So, as soon as he was done changing, he stood in front of Connor and Hank. "What do you two think?"

  "You look nice," Connor replied.

  "Yeah, it's good," Hank said.

  That hadn't really given him confidence, but since he couldn't form an opinion himself, it ended up not really mattering. He usually dressed similarly to this, anyway, going to work every day. He was even wearing the same shoes he already wore to work on a daily basis. And so, it worked.

___________________________

**_-Gavin's car  Saturday, December 22nd, 2039  4:55 PM-_ **

  The first few minutes of the car ride had been spent in total silence as Gavin smoked his way down a cigarette and Nines stared out the window at the passing city.

  Every time Gavin had come up with a conversation topic, it had turned to mush in his head. The quiet was awkward, anything he might say would probably be awkward, everything was just so…  _ ugh _ . He regretted agreeing to this. But, of course, he wouldn't complain, not out loud, at least. He didn't want to ruin Nines' night. He didn't deserve Gavin pulling him down with him (too bad he already did that all the time).

  "So, what time does this thing end, anyway?" He decided to ask.

  Nines stared blankly for a moment, seeing something in his head, probably. "The invitation Connor sent me said it starts at 6:30, and ends at 11:00." Bryan replied.

  It was only just barely 5:00 PM. He knew he was bound to spill at some point today, and now he had a window of time where it would most likely happen. Anywhere between the start, and the end of that party. In six hours, maybe less, his life would be over.

  Maybe he was being a little overdramatic, but… there had to be some divinely cruel irony with the fact that he'd waited thirty-seven years to fall in love, and now he was just gonna get rejected and even more heartbroken than he probably already was. And maybe he shouldn't be such a pussy about a broken heart, but he'd been dealing with it for so long now, and getting rejected tonight would just make it worse. He stewed on all of this while driving, more silence dragging between them, more awkwardness.

  All he did was mess everything up. Nines wanted to go to this party in the first place, so he probably wanted to be social, and Gavin was just sitting here, driving silently. That's why the android was looking out the window, he was bored. Gavin was just boring him. There's no way tonight was going to work out very well.

  He didn't let his expression betray his thoughts. If Bryan figured out he was sitting here, overthinking and hating himself, he'd probably bring it up, and Gavin would end up spilling right there. It was kind of like being stabbed. Sometimes, you had to leave the knife in, just so you didn't bleed out.

  "There's something on your mind, Gavin."

_ FUCK _ .

  "Uh,"  _ Quick, think of something _ . "Was just kinda wondering why you wanted to go to this thing at all." Good lie. Hopefully, Nines didn't see through it. One look at him said that he did. "They're not all that great, from what I remember."

  "Humans and androids are both very social creatures." Bryan answered. "I figured it would help both of us to socialize a bit more."

  Woah, hold on. That had literally been the reason he'd thought, but Gavin was getting a sense here. Gut instinct told him Bryan was lying to him. He definitely had ulterior motives. But what were they? And could he trust his gut instinct? It hadn't done much for him in the past. Still, there was something about the delivery of his reply that… didn't sit well with Gavin. "Hm." He hummed in reply, not sure what else to add.

  "Why did you stop going to these parties?" Bryan asked after the silence had stretched a bit more. "What is it about them that you don't like?"

  "Well, the people, for starters." Gavin muttered, starting to complain since Nines had asked him to. "After Anderson lost his kid, he stopped going, and I made him kinda hate me, and the only other person who's ever been able to stand me, besides him, is Tina. And she doesn't go to every party, cuz she usually gets invited to better ones."

  "What else?"

  "The food." Gavin scoffed. "Fowler's a cheapskate. He always pays the bare minimum for catering, which means there's not a good selection, and it all tastes like shit." He paused, thinking of other things he hated about company Christmas parties. "The music is shit, and never stays on one genre for long. There's a stupid Kisscam bullshit thing every year."

  "Kisscam?" Nines asked.

  "Yeah, like at baseball games."

  "Oh," Bryan said. "Okay."

  "Ugh, and there's always that one desperate guy with the mistletoe headband, trying to get some because he has to blackmail people with tradition in order for anyone to even go near him."

  "I feel like that is something you would do."

  "Hey, fuck you," Gavin replied, no bite in his tone. The reason Gavin knew there was always that one guy is because he'd been that guy one year.

  "If we keep driving at this pace, we'll be at the party long before it even starts," Nines said. "We have about an hour to kill."

  "Got anything in mind?" Gavin asked. Nines looked thoughtful for a moment.

  "There's an arcade about three blocks from here."

  "That sounds fun." Gavin hadn't been to an arcade in forever. Sometimes the machines didn't work, or you ended up spending all your tokens in the dumbest places, but most arcades had some pretty fun little prizes you could win if you got enough tickets.

  "Drive straight, the destination will be on the left."

  "Thanks, GPS."

  "Fuck you, Gavin."

  So, they got to the arcade, and immediately, Gavin started looking for the skeeball machine. Everyone knew you always got the most tickets from playing skeeball, not to mention it was technically exercise without being too extenuating. Oh, and Gavin fucking  _ ROCKED _ at skeeball. There was also that.

  Nines seemed to have noticed him making a beeline for the game, because he followed after him, and arrived just in time for Gavin to have already put in tokens and start the game. "I take it this is your favorite game."

  "Mmhm," Gavin replied. He picked up one of the balls ( _ that's what she said _ ), aimed, and let it go rolling across the… board? Alley? Was it kind of like bowling? Whatever, it didn't matter. Either way, he got the ball to roll in the hole with the most points. "You should try it."

  Nines considered that for a moment, before going to the skeeball machine next to him and putting a few tokens in. The game announced with a few very loud, tinny, grainy sounds over an old speaker that the game had begun, and the balls rolled into the little slot.

  To make a long story short, they ended up playing skeeball the entire forty-five minutes they were there. At the end of it all, Bryan had done so well that he had an armful of tickets. Gavin wasn't too upset. He knew the other would be better than him, with his perfect android aim. Besides, he'd gotten a decent amount of tickets, more than any other human would probably get from playing skeeball for forty minutes straight. Small victories.

  As Gavin got into the car to start up on their journey again, Nines slipped into the passenger seat, closed the door behind him, and pulled something out from behind his back. He held it out towards Gavin with a smile. "Here."

  Said object was a plush black cat. It had big, sparkly, vibrantly colored eyes that stared holes into Gavin's soul, and a head that looked much too big for its body. He was kind of surprised he hadn't seen it before Nines had pulled it out from behind him because it was bit large for a stuffed animal. Furthermore, "What?"

  "Uh, don't you know what a gift is?" Bryan asked, sharp as a nail, like always.

  "You're the one who won all those tickets, though."

  "I had an unfair advantage, and have no desire for worldly objects. At least, not the kind you get in an arcade."

  "Yeah, but-" He was cut off as Nines shoved the stuffed animal against his face.

  "Take it."

  "Jesus, alright," Gavin muttered, taking the cat, and putting it in the space between his and Nines' seat. "There, happy?"

  "Yes, very," Bryan replied with a smile. Gavin rolled his eyes.

  "That thing ain't sleepin' in bed next to me. Its eyes are creepy."

  "Noted."

  And with all that out of the way, Gavin started driving again.

  Parking the car felt really bad.

  Parking the car meant they'd arrived; you know, to the place where Gavin was gonna die tonight. "I'm, um, gonna have a smoke before we go in." He said. Stalling. "You can go in and, like, find Anderson and Eights, or something, if you want."

  "Okay." Nines replied. He unbuckled his seat belt, opened the door, got out, and stood there for a moment. "I'll see you inside."

  "Yeah. See ya in a few." Gavin mumbled. Bryan shut the door behind him, waving goodbye afterwards. Gavin waved back, and Nines started towards the building.

  Gavin reached for the box of smokes and the lighter he had on the dash, fishing one of them out, placing it between his lips before sparking it with the lighter. Smoke and nicotine rushed into him as he took a long, steadying drag.

  Just calm the fuck down. There had to be some way to avoid spilling. His relationship with his best friend was on the line, after all, and he really didn't want to end up losing him tonight, even if resistance seemed futile.

  There was just something about this situation that made Gavin feel like his efforts to not say anything meant nothing, in the long run. That he'd end up telling Nines at some point, no matter how hard he tried not to. It was only a matter of time, but just because he knew that, didn't mean he didn't want to at least try to fix this before it blew up in his face.

  There had to be some way. He couldn't lose Nines.

_____________________________

  Through the sea of people, Nines could see the top of Hank's head. He was 6'4", so he was easy to spot in a crowd, thankfully. And wherever Hank was, Connor was nearby. Bryan pushed his way through groups and swarms of other people before he reached the back, where Hank and Connor were. "Brother, hello!" Connor greeted him, running up to meet him as soon as he'd spotted him. "Is Detective Reed with you?"

  "He's in the car, having a cigarette before he joins us." Bryan replied. "We should use this time wisely, to get our thoughts together."

  "A very astute assessment."

  "Nerds!" Came Hank's voice from a couple feet away. Nines and Connor both rolled their eyes. Silly, humans. They would never understand.

  "So, do you have any idea on where exactly your relationship stands with him at this point?" Connor asked.

  "I believe I have a vague understanding." Nines replied slowly, forming the rest of his reply still. "I know that he is in love with me, at least for the past two or three weeks. He just hasn't brought it up."

  "You said he hasn't been sleeping very well, right?" Connor said. Nines nodded. "Do you think it could be psychosomatic? Caused not by a chemical imbalance, but rather an emotional response?"

  "That seems likely. He's not very emotionally articulate." Nines mused.

  "Some people are afraid of falling in love," Connor replied, arms behind his back. "Is it likely Detective Reed may be one of those people?"

_ Philophobia   
_ _   The fear of falling in love. Usually caused by a background of failed relationships, or abuse. _

  "Yes, that seems to fit him, alright," Bryan said. Gavin checked out for both of those, from what he could remember. And there wasn't anything he didn't remember, so. "That would also explain his odd behavior as of recently."

  "Mm." Connor hummed in reply. His eyes flickered somewhere, and Nines followed his gaze. Gavin was walking in. Wow, he smoked that cigarette quick.

  Gavin noticed where they were immediately since the crowd had dispersed a bit, and there was actually a path. That, and Hank and Nines were pretty tall. He started towards them, hands in his pockets, back hunched. Bryan had  _ told him time and time again that it wasn't healthy for him to walk like that, Gavin's so fucking stubborn- _

  "Wow, look at that outfit," Hank said. He laughed a little. "He looks like a fuckin' elf."

  "Hank, be nice." Connor scolded. "We're on a mission."

  "And you never fail your mission."

  "Except for every single one on the deviancy case."

  Nines had wandered off, their voices in the background as he walked to meet Gavin in the middle. He stopped a few inches in front of him.

__ Stress levels - 70%  
  I __ ncreased cortisol levels  
_   Noticeable perspiration  
_ __   Elevated heart rate - 85 Beats per Minute

  "Hello, Gavin."

  "Hey."

  They started walking back to Hank and Connor, Nines following just behind Gavin, as he almost always did. He figured he would walk to the ends of the earth with Gavin if the other man were capable of such a feat. For now, though, he complained when the remote was too far away. "I feel I should warn you that Lieutenant Anderson has been drinking tonight, and probably plans to continue to do so."

  "Shit, the warden let Hank drink?" Gavin quipped. "I thought Hank was straight up dick whipped by Connor."

  "My brother is asexual."

  "He's  _ emotionally _ dick whipped." Gavin seemed inclined to explain. Bryan pondered that he could have done without that information whatsoever.

  "You are a never-ending enigma, Gavin Reed." He replied, tone overly exasperated. Gavin grinned.

    _Stress levels - 65%_  
_    Mildly Elevated Heart Rate - 80 BPM _

   They got back to Hank and Connor, who still sat at the table they'd been at before. There were two other chairs available, right next to each other, so he and Gavin sit… right next to each other.

_ WARNING  
_ _   STAGE ONE SYSTEM OVERHEAT _

   Bryan swiped that out of his field of vision before turning on his temperature regulator. Thank rA9 for being equipped with advanced technology.

  "Good evening, Detective Reed." Connor greeted.

  Gavin clicked his tongue. "It's Gavin."

  "Right," Connor said, obviously taking note. Bryan found that a bit odd. In every other memory he'd stored of Gavin and Connor conversing, Gavin had never had an issue with Connor addressing him with his rank and last name.

_ Gavin is attempting to be on a first name basis > possible future friendship? _

  Well, he'll be damned. Looked like it was only a matter of time until Gavin stopped  _ acting _ like a piece of shit and realize he's actually a good person. Underneath his hatred for the world and his fake ego, that is.

  "You look ridiculous, Gavin." Hank apparently decided to say.

  "Whatever," Gavin replied with a scoff. "Your sweater's fuckin' interesting."

  "Thanks. Gift from my ex."

  "How is Fatty Abby?" Gavin asked, sounding not really interested in what the answer would be.

  Hank shrugged. "She lost weight. Still bitchy though, probably."

  After a few moments of nothing being said, Gavin tapped his fingers on the tabletop. "So, what the fuck are we doing?"

  "Well, we could go dance, or go talk to people, or-"

  "Yeah, no, that all sounds horrible." Gavin cut him off.

  Hank looked like he agreed with the notion. "Mr. Christmas-spirit-came-all-over-my-clothes should go shot for shot with me."

  "Hank, moderation-"

  "Can wait until after the holiday season." Connor looked slightly annoyed he was being cut off, but not to the point of being actually upset, so Nines didn't say anything. And besides, Connor could defend himself. He looked soft, but he could bite.

  "Okay." Connor relented with a sigh. Nines didn't really know who to side with. Alcohol was unhealthy, but then, it was Hank's body, so it was kind of his choice what went in it. Connor obviously understood he couldn't make Hank not drink, he just hoped him being against it would sway Hank in that direction. Bryan was kind of in the same boat.

  "I liked Mr. I-need-to-go-to-AA-meeting's idea," Gavin said, pulling his chair in so he sat closer to the table. "I can drink you under the table any day, Anderson."

  Hank laughed a little. "Dream on, kid."

  "Might I suggest spacing out the shots so you don't end up with alcohol poisoning by the end of the night?" Bryan asked, hoping they took his advice.

  "Yeah, sure whatever," Hank said. Bryan almost felt the need to sigh in relief. Jesus, these two were disasters.

  The night went from okay to bad really quickly.

  About three hours into sitting at the table, Gavin and Hank going shot for shot, he and Connor swapping situation assessments, Hank had apparently decided that he was bored, and said, "We should play a stupid party game, like Truth or Dare. Just for the LOL's."

  "Wow, Hank, no one says acronyms out loud," Gavin replied. "But, yeah, sure, why the fuck not?"

  Bryan didn't have what humans would call 'gut instinct', or at least he shouldn't have, but he suddenly got a very bad feeling where his stomach would be. "I don't think that's a good idea."

  "Come on, Bry, don't be a pussy," Gavin said, grinning. Sighing, he gave in.

  Almost everyone picked truth, and the few dares there were, were lame ones. So after twenty minutes, nothing had been accomplished, really. "Alright. Reed." Hank paused for dramatic effect. "Truth, or dare?"

  "Dare." Gavin slurred a little, obviously at least tipsy.

  Hank grinned deviously. "I dare you to kiss Bryan."  
  
__    WARNING  
_    STAGE TWO OVERHEAT    
_ __    CRITICAL DAMAGE IF NOT REPAIRED IN-

  He turned his temperature regulators on again but based on the image Connor had just sent him, all the evidence of him being flustered was obvious just from the blue flush on his face. Gavin, meanwhile, looked a million miles away. "What?"

  "You heard me," Hank replied. "Kiss him."

  "Hank, I don't believe this is a good idea." Connor jumped in.

  "It's Truth or Dare. Rules say you gotta do it." Hank replied with a shrug.

  "Uh, truth."

  "Too late. You already picked dare."

  "W-well…" Gavin started, trailing off. "What if I don't wanna kiss him, huh?"

  "Oh, but you do," Hank replied. Gavin looked steamed. "I wasn't born yesterday, Gavin."

  "You don't know what I do and don't want." Gavin insisted. "Last time I checked, that was kinda my choice."

  "Come on, Gavin, don't be a pus-"

  Hank didn't get to finish his sentence. He stopped short as soon as Nines grabbed Gavin by the collar of his shirt, threw caution to the wind, and kissed him right there.

  When you have a clock built into you, you understand the concept of time, can keep track of it accurately without fail. However, as soon as Bryan had pressed his lips against Gavin's, time ceased to exist. Even with a perfect memory, he couldn't tell how long he'd kissed Gavin, not now at least while his mind was fuzzed over. Eventually, though, Gavin had broken the kiss, pushing himself away, and falling out of his chair in the process. Hank laughed.

  Everything in Bryan's field of vision told him to do something. So, he did. He got out of his chair and tried to help Gavin to his feet, only to be pushed away again. At this point, a few people were staring. Including Connor and Hank, the latter of whom had stopped laughing at noticing this situation wasn't funny anymore.

  "Gavin, are you alright?" Nines asked, trying to step closer. He brushed some dirt off the other man's shoulder before Gavin batted his hand. Bryan pulled it away as though he'd been burned.

  Gavin looked around, seemed to notice all the eyes around him, and seemed to be frozen in place for a few moments. It wasn't long, though, before he was booking it towards the front door. "Gavin, wait!"

  He kept running. Nines stood there.

  What was he going to do…?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think Hank would have done something like that normally, it was probably just the alcohol speaking, honestly. Either way, he's human, so he makes mistakes. And also the plot demanded it. Because I must make Gavin Reed suffer.


	4. All's Well That Ends Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here's the conclusion.

  His hands shook as he pulled his car keys out of his pocket, unlocked the door, and gracelessly scrambled to sit in the vehicle before slamming the door shut behind him.

  Curse words played through his head like a mantra as he reached for his cigarette case he'd left in the driver's seat, plucking one out and putting it between his lips. He pulled his lighter out of his pocket, lighting the cigarette and taking a drag, his hands still shaking wildly.

   _STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!_

  He was so stupid for having agreed to play that fucking game! What was wrong with him?! Everyone fucking knew that when you played Truth or Dare, someone ended up getting dared to kiss another person. He grew up in the early 2000s, the time period in which that happened the most! He should have known better! Stupid, stupid man!

  This just wasn't fair. What had he done to deserve this? Why must he always suffer? Why couldn't life just give him a fucking break? Huh? Did God really hate him that much, for his life to have ended up this shitty?

  … Something didn't make sense, though. Gavin had been the one dared to kiss Bryan, but Bryan had made the move. Why? There was no way in hell… it wasn't possible that…

  Or, maybe it was. Things were starting to add up. The cursive on the coffee cup, the creepy stuffed cat, Bryan… kissing him. The little incident at the ice rink, the patient smiles Nines always gave him. Maybe, just _maybe_ , Nines had felt the same way towards him this entire time, and Gavin had just been too blinded by his doubt to see. In his defense, though, Nines hadn't been _entirely_ obvious with his feelings, and his social graces were still developing, so maybe Gavin _was_ reading too much into this.

  But… _that_ _kiss_. Bryan had barely wasted any time in pulling Gavin towards him and pressing their lips together. It screamed of want. And why would Nines want to kiss him, if he didn't like him?

  Either way, there was no way in hell he was going back in there. He couldn't deal with all of those people staring at him, and he'd definitely made a scene. He was just gonna wait here, until Bryan came out, and then… well, then, they would have to have a conversation about this. Gavin found himself both looking forward to and dreading that conversation at the same time. Hopefully, Nines took his sweet ass time, cuz Gavin sure as fuck wasn't ready for _that_ conversation just yet.

________________________________

  Gavin had been gone for forty-five minutes.

  The entirety of that time, Nines had been staring at the entrance, waiting to see if he came back in. Maybe he just needed some time to cool off before joining them again. After the first twenty minutes, though, it seemed less and less likely for that to be the case.

  Hank had sobered up a little bit in that time and had blabbered on the first few minutes after Gavin left that he had no idea why he thought it was a good idea to do that. He'd dragged Gavin into an uncomfortable situation, despite being the one to have warned Connor and Bryan against the very same thing only a few hours before. It was pretty obvious he regretted it, though, there'd been no malice in his intentions when he'd dared Gavin to kiss Nines. Bryan concluded it had probably been a mixture of the alcohol talking, and his frustration with how obvious it was to just about anyone who _knew_ Gavin that he was head over heels.

  Speaking of talking, Hank and Connor were still sitting there, conversing, trying to drag Bryan into the conversation every now and then. Nines would give them a short reply, usually only consisting of a few words, his mind too focused on Gavin. Finally, he stood from his seat, and Connor and Hank went silent. "I need to go find him. He's been gone for a while."

  "Good luck," Connor said.

  "Tell 'im I said 'sorry'," Hank added, rubbing the back of his neck guiltily. Nines nodded, pushing his way through people and out the front door into the cold December night.

  It wasn't hard to see where they'd parked the car, given it was in a spot right under a street lamp. Bryan started walking towards their parking spot, and as he got closer, he could see Gavin in the back seats of the car, looking out the window opposite of the side Bryan was approaching from. Upon reaching the vehicle, Bryan tapped on the window. Gavin jumped a bit in his seat, head whipping to look over, and upon noticing Nines, he calmed down a little. Even through the door, Bryan scanned him and saw that his stress levels jumped up.

  Gavin opened the car door after a few moments and scooted over in his seat, giving Bryan room to join him in the back seat. He did so, sliding in next to the other man, closing the door behind himself. Silence stretched for a few moments as Gavin's stress levels gradually climbed. "Lieutenant Anderson asked me to apologize to you on his behalf. He wasn't thinking clearly. He had no ill intentions, to drag you into something like that."

  "Tch…" Was Gavin's reply. Nines noticed that the other man had the stuffed cat he'd given him earlier in his lap.

  "I believe it would be best for us to talk about this." He said after a moment, hoping to get more of a reply out of Gavin than a simple scoff.

  Gavin turned himself to be sitting facing Bryan, avoiding eye contact, arms loosely wrapped around the stuffed cat in his lap. "… What, um…" He quietly started, fingers absently working themselves through the stuffy's fake fur. "What, uh, made you do that…?"

  The moment of truth. If Bryan had assessed the situation correctly, then Gavin _should_ feel the same way. There was always the possibility, of course, that he was wrong, which made a weird churning feeling appear where his stomach would be. He had to tell him, though. Lest any more damage be done. "What do you _think_ made me do that?" He decided to ask, hoping Gavin would piece it together himself. If not, he'd have to say it, and the thought of that only made him more nervous.

  "I… don't know," Gavin replied, his voice small and unsure, so unlike his usual self. He still avoided Bryan's eyes, his gaze fixed on the car floor. _He's lying_. "That's why I asked, dipshit…" Nines couldn't find any bite in his tone.

  Steeling himself, Bryan worked up the nerve. He had to tell him. Now, or never. He took in an unnecessary, but steadying all the same breath, and took Gavin's hands in his own. That had gotten his attention. Gavin looked up, staring at Nines as though he were a deer in headlights. Bryan picked up that his heart rate had elevated. Pupils dilated. His hands were sweaty.

  As much as he wanted to say, the words never came. So, Nines decided actions spoke louder, and leaned forward slowly, making sure to give Gavin a window of time to pull away in case he didn't want this. The Detective didn't, though. When Bryan was the last few inches away from kissing him, Gavin started leaning towards him, too.

  Their lips pressed together. This time, Gavin kissed back, and _wow_ , did it feel good. Bryan could feel his thirium pump regulator speeding up, could feel the beating of Gavin's own heart against his chest.

  It didn't last very long. Gavin pulled away again, although much more passively this time, his gaze automatically falling to the floor again. Bryan squeezed his hands gently. "I'm in love with you, Gavin Reed."

  Gavin was silent for a few moments as he processed that, face turning red before he asked, "… Why?" He looked up in time to see Bryan blinking in confusion. "I'm a horrible person, Nines…" Gavin continued. "You deserve so much better."

  "The thirium pump wants what it wants," Bryan replied, trying to lighten the mood. It didn’t work. Gavin still looked conflicted. Nines sighed. "You're not a horrible person, Gavin. I've said it before. You're just troubled."

  "Troubled enough to piss off just about everyone who's been unlucky enough to know me," Gavin mumbled with a frown. "I treated you like shit the first few months we knew each other. How can you… how can you love someone who used to hate you just for existing…?"

  "I will admit, I don't entirely understand it myself…" Nines muttered. That didn't seem to have helped. "Please, trust me when I say, though, that I _do_ love you."

  "… I trust you." Gavin said. "And… I'm in love with you, too." He smiled a little, and Bryan could almost visibly see the weight of the world being lifted off of the Detective's shoulders. "'M sorry, if I ruined your night."

  "It was never about the party, Gavin." He admitted. "Tonight was an excuse to get Connor to help me assess whether you returned my feelings or not. Even though I already knew the answer."

  "Nothing gets past you two, huh?" Gavin asked.

  "Nothing," Bryan confirmed. "Now that everything is out in the open, I believe it is customary to ask whether or not you would like for this to go any further." He continued. "I will respect your decision, whatever it may be."

  Gavin hesitated. "We could lose our jobs. It's against the code of conduct."

  "I'm aware," Bryan said. "That didn't stop my brother and Lieutenant Anderson. However, if that is the reason you don't want this to be anything, I will respect-"

  "I never said no." Gavin interrupted him. He sighed. "There's just… one thing I gotta come clean about."

  "And what would that be?" Bryan asked.

  "I've, um…" Gavin swallowed, obviously working through nerves. "I've never been in an actual relationship. So, I have no idea how _this_ …" He gestured vaguely, "works."

  "That's not an issue." Nines replied. "I've never been in a relationship whatsoever. I'm just as clueless as you."

  "You're… kinda the first person I've ever really cared about…" Gavin added. Nines felt his thirium pump flutter a bit with that admission. A few more moments of silence passed, and Bryan could hear people exiting the building from behind him. It seemed the party was over. _Technically_ , it was supposed to have ended about an hour ago. No matter. "… Yeah." Gavin finally said. "I wanna be with you."  
  
_Gavin ^  
_ _Lover_

  Nines smiled a little as he watched his social relations program pick up on the fact that he and Gavin were together, now. "I'm glad to hear that."

  Gavin very suddenly pulled Nines into a hug, one the android returned immediately, hand cradling the back of Gavin's head, holding the shorter man close to him. "You're still a pain in my dick." He muttered against Bryan's chest. Bryan still couldn't find any bite behind it. Gavin was just being difficult for the sake of being difficult. It only made him smile more.

  "Yes, I am more than aware." He replied. "Would you like to go home, now?"

  "Yeah. I'm fucking done with today." Gavin answered. "I just wanna go home, take a shower, and pass the fuck out."

  "That sounds like a good idea. You could use some sleep." Gavin pulled away from the hug, digging the car keys out of his pocket, before handing them over to Nines. The android took them, and they clambered into the front of the car, Bryan in the driver's seat, Gavin in the passenger. "You should attempt to get some rest on the ride home."

  "Yeah, that's probably the best idea you had all day." Gavin quipped, reaching behind him to grab the stuffed cat he'd left in the back seat.

  "I thought you said it was creepy?"

  "Yeah, well, he's grown on me," Gavin mumbled. "Kinda like you."

  "Ah," Nines said, turning the key in the ignition. He started driving. "You've grown on me, too."

  "You got some weird taste in men," Gavin replied with a yawn. He stretched out, before leaning up against the car door, the stuffed cat loosely tucked under his arm. "Wake me up when we get home."

  "Got it."

_________________________________

  Gavin opened his eyes slowly, the first sight he saw being familiar grey eyes. Recollection from earlier slowly caught up to him. "… avin? Gavin, wake up, we're home."

  He sat up straight in the seat, rubbing the sleep away from his eyes as he yawned. "Did, uh… earlier happen, or was I just dreaming…?" He felt compelled to ask. Nines' answer was to lean over and give him a quick peck on the cheek, which of course made his face turn red. "Right. Gotcha."

  So, it had actually happened… He still couldn't wrap his head around it. He'd been convinced there would never be any way in hell Nines would ever be interested in him. And yet, there they were. Boyfriends.

   _Boyfriends_. What a wonderful word. He could say it all day, sing it from the rooftops if he wouldn't look fucking dopey doing so. For now, thinking it over and over in his head would work.

  "Would you like for me to carry you, or do your legs work?" Nines joked, a small smile on his face.

  "Fuck you," Gavin replied on instinct. Weirdly, it only made the android's smile widen a little. "… I don't feel like walking." He muttered.

  "I am very capable of carrying you. It wouldn't inconvenience me in any way."

  "Then do so, please," Gavin said, swallowing his pride. He didn't need pride, not anymore. There was no reason to try to uphold his 'tough guy' reputation, now. Nines had already known for a long time he wasn't as brash as he'd made himself out to be.

  "Very well." Nines replied, rolling his eyes as though annoyed, even though the smile on his face betrayed that. Gavin watched Bryan get out of the car, walk around to the passenger side, where he opened the door. Gavin got out, Bryan locked the car, and all of a sudden, Gavin was swept off his feet, being carried bridal style into their apartment building. He wrapped his arms loosely around Bryan's neck, his grip tightening on the stuffed cat Nines had given him earlier so it didn't fall as the other walked. "Jesus, warn a guy next time."

  "My apologies."

  Up the stairs to the second floor, where their apartment was, Nines stopped in front of their door, holding Gavin up with only one arm (Christ, he was strong) while he used his other hand to fish the spare keys out of his pocket. Upon finding them, he unlocked the door, closed it behind them after walking in, where he set Gavin down on the couch. He then sat next to him.

  It still felt unreal, for everything to have gone as well as it had. Gavin had sworn up and down for the past three weeks that there was no way in hell Bryan would ever feel that way about him, and yet…

  Well, that didn't matter anymore.

  "We can't tell anyone at the precinct about us." Gavin suddenly remembered was an important subject to bring up. "Besides Anderson and Eights, at least. We'd lose our jobs, or at least our partnership."

  "I understand," Bryan said. "I won't tell anyone else."

  "Okay," Gavin said, relieved that had been covered. The thought of losing his job, or losing Nines as his partner, made him very uncomfortable. So, it was nice to know the information of their relationship wouldn't fall into the wrong hands. "I'm, uh, sorry for being difficult the past month."

  "It's okay," Nines said. "Just, next time you are struggling with something, I would prefer you tell me over Jack Daniels."

  "Yeah, yeah, alright," Gavin grumbled, as though he minded. Based on the smile still on Nines' face, Gavin assumed the other knew he was playing around.

  He sighed. This felt like the conclusion to some grand tale, the beginning of an even greater one. He was totally ready to close the chapter in his life of being a bitter nobody who had no one in his life. That story had been getting a bit stale. And kind of depressing.

  Nines shifted on the sofa to sit a little closer to him, one of his hands reaching for Gavin's, fingers lacing loosely with his. It'd been so long since he'd been able to have this with anyone… after so many years of being alone, it felt… weird. Not bad weird, just weird. Unfamiliar. It was nice. He was hoping it felt this nice every time from this point on. "I am very glad to have 'ended up' with you, Gavin."

  "Feeling's mutual," Gavin replied. "I, uh… I'm gonna go get a shower."

  "Okay," Nines said. He let go of Gavin's hand, and he almost wished for a moment that he hadn't said anything. Whatever. It didn't matter. There'd be more opportunities, now that they were… _boyfriends_.

  As he walked to his room to get a change of clothes, that word still happily played over and over in his head.

__________________________

  After getting a shower, and changing into pajamas, Gavin wandered out of the bathroom and into the living room. Nines was on the couch, of course, a book in his hand, the TV on at a low volume. He looked up from his book as soon as he'd noticed Gavin enter the room, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. Gavin cleared his throat. "I'm gonna head to bed."

  "Alright." Nines replied. His smile never faltered. "I hope you have sweet dreams, Gavin."

  "Yeah, uh, actually… I was kinda wondering if you wanted to… sleep next to me." Bryan blinked a couple times. "You don't have to, but, uh… Bed's more than big enough for both of us, and it probably sucks, having to sleep on the couch every night. Must get lonely."

  Of course, sleeping in his own bed all by himself had always been lonely, especially _lately_ , so he was asking more for himself than for Nines. He had a gut feeling Bry had already picked up on that as soon as he asked.

  He wasn't at all surprised when Bryan closed the book and stood, placing it on the coffee table. Even before tonight, Nines had almost always indulged him. He and Connor both were still a bit uncomfortably eager to please. "Lead the way."

  Gavin wondered how he got _so fucking lucky_ as he turned on his heel and walked down the hallway to his room, Bryan following closely behind him. "You, uh, want some sweats and a tee shirt or somethin' to sleep in?"

  "If it would make you comfortable."

  "'S not about me." Gavin deadpanned. "That's why I asked you."

  "I have no need for pajamas, as I don't feel uncomfortable going into stasis in dress clothes." Nines hummed. "And, so, I don't mind either way."

  "Fair enough," Gavin muttered in reply, looking through his closet. Nines didn't care either way, but maybe he'd grow some profound appreciation for the tee shirt and sweatpants lifestyle he was gonna have to see on a daily basis if he stuck around Gavin.

  After finding something, and Bryan going to the bathroom to get changed, he came back to the room. Gavin's clothes were just the tiniest bit too small on him, his stomach and his ankles poking out from where the hems of the garments cut short. Still, it was kind of endearing to see the usually dressed for success android in a faded Nirvana shirt, and PJ pants with lightning bolts on them. "How do I look?" Nines asked, twirling a little where he stood.

  "Like a fucking giant," Gavin replied. "Seriously. Why do you have to be so tall?"

  Bryan laughed a little, a deep chuckle that emanated from his voice box. "I'm not _that_ tall. You're just _that_ short."

  Gavin rolled his eyes. "Wow, really feelin' the love here, Bry."

  "You started it."

  "Oh, fuck y-" He was cut off by Nines leaning down and kissing him. The last of his protest died there, and he closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around the android's neck, and kissing back. Bry's hands rested on his hips, and although the thought was there to take this little make-out session a bit further… it was way too soon. Gavin had had sex before, but never with another man, and Bryan was more than likely a virgin, based on the fact that he was at Gavin's side basically every moment of every day. Not to mention, they'd only gotten together a few hours ago. That, and Gavin was way too tired for shit like that tonight.

  There wasn't any sense of urgency. Nines had stuck around with him this long, and Gavin didn't even have a shred of doubt when the other had confessed his love since Nines wasn't usually known for lying. It could wait. They had time.

  Gavin pulled away, since, unlike Bryan, he did need oxygen. Nines still held him close, though. _Oh, geez_ , he could get used to _that_. "Are you ready to go to bed?" Nines asked. Gavin nodded.

  So, they climbed into bed, shifting around to get the blanket up over both of them, and into a comfortable position. They laid facing towards each other, Bry's arm wrapped around him, their legs tangled together. Gavin closed his eyes. Not sleeping right for a month had left him pretty burnt out. "Ya comfy?" He asked quietly.

  "Mmhm." Bryan hummed. Gavin felt the Nines' hand start carding through his hair. "You?"

  "Mm," Gavin mumbled. He sighed. "Night, Bry."

  "Goodnight, Gavin." Nines replied softly. His lips pressed to Gavin's forehead. "I love you. Sleep well."

  "I love you, too." He muttered.

  He fell asleep within moments.

_______________________________

  The weekend never lasted forever, so the only day they had to themselves was Sunday.

  Gavin had woken up of his own volition. There wasn't an alarm blaring in his ear, or a headache splitting his skull, or a horrible eight to five shift to start in an hour. It was already almost noon, which was sleeping in for him, and he woke to find Bryan hadn't left him during the night. He'd stayed right there, their legs tangled together, Nines' arm wrapped loosely around Gavin, one of his hands still laced through his hair. Nines' eyes fluttered open as soon as his system must have alerted him that Gavin was awake. "Good morning, Gavin." He said softly with a smile. "The time is 11:39 AM."

  "Yeah, thanks, Alexa," Gavin muttered. Nines clicked his tongue out of fond annoyance.

  "I assume your version of pet names is gonna be a reference to just about any robot in any piece of media or pop culture, correct?"

  "Basically," Gavin said with a shrug. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

  Nines rolled his eyes. He was still smiling. Gavin… kinda really liked his smile, now. It wasn't creepy like it had been, at first. It looked normal now. Hell, smiling really suit the guy.

  The rest of the day was spent watching movies and playing video games on the couch, underneath a blanket, sitting a lot closer than they usually did. Like, Bryan's hip was touching his. He half expected to look down and see them glued together, they were that close.

  About halfway through _'Wall-E'_ (Gavin picked it because he was an asshole), he had looked to where Nines had laid his head on his chest, and fucking went into stasis. Motherfucker fucking passed out. How does someone who doesn't get tired pass out?

  He couldn't actually be mad, though. If Nines were human, he would have done the same thing. Only it would have made biological sense then. Since he wasn't human, though… well, Gavin still couldn't get mad, because at least he was _there_ , with _him_ , even though he was 'asleep'. At least there _was_ someone to fall asleep on him halfway through a Disney movie. Plus… he looked kinda cute. Maybe that was creepy, but then, this fucker had been scanning his fucking vitals every five minutes for damn near the last year, so wasn't Gavin allowed to be a little weird, too?

  He 'woke up' at the end of the movie, so maybe he just didn't like robot movies. Or Disney. Either way, he didn't mind the situation, and Nines didn't seem inconvenienced in any way, so. All's well that ends well.

  Sunday was over in a flash, and soon it was Monday. They walked into work, invisible zippers over their mouth. As they both sat down at their desks, they exchanged a glance. Gavin knew androids could communicate telepathically, but he wasn't an android. Somehow, though, Bryan could usually tell what he was thinking just by looking at him. This look was a shared, silent agreement.

   _Act natural._

And so, they did. They bickered, Nines kept scolding him for not working. And, luckily, no one was staring at Gavin for what had happened at the party. Either the other people who saw him were on a different shift, or hadn't remembered. Thank fuck.

  He, Hank, Connor, and Nines spent their lunch break together that day, while Bryan broke the news, as they were the only other people allowed to know. Gavin didn't because stuff like that was still a little too gushy for him. "Well, congratulations, you two," Hank said. "Reed, congrats on finally coming out of the closet."

  "Fuck you, old man." He bit.

  Hank didn't seem bothered. "Nah, I'm taken."

  "Tch." Gavin scoffed. "Wasn't an offer."

  "Because you're saving it for Nines."

  That was a sentence that sounded like it should have come from Hank's mouth, but instead, it came from Connor's. Everyone else was shocked. "…What?" Connor asked. "It’s true."

  "Jesus fucking Christ."

  And that sentence sounded like it should have come from Gavin, but it had actually come from Nines. "You two spend _way_ too much time with us," Gavin said. Connor only shrugged.

  Oh, and get this! He _got_ that promotion. Bryan very happily kept calling him 'Lieutenant' all day, which, was kind of weird, since it was harder to tell if he or Connor was speaking, but. You know. **Lieutenant Reed** _did_ have a nice ring to it. Especially coming from Nines' mouth. Not to mention, he ended up beating Hank's record, which he happily gloated about straight to the older man's face (Hank literally couldn’t care less. Have the record, Reed, it didn't go to the grave with him).

  So, within the span of a month, life had gone from okay (probably because of Nines), to horrible ( ** _DEFINITELY_   **because of Nines), to fucking wonderful (< see previous note). And for once in his life, Gavin was kind of looking forward to the future.

   **~-FIN-~**

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment and kudos if you enjoyed! =^_^=


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